This made me think of my old friend this morning.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
Major Faux Pas
Growing up, I was never good with names. When we took the 6 hour drive to New York to visit with my Mom's family, I would spend all 6 hours quizzing my mother on the names of all my relatives.
I have worked diligently over the years to develop ways to remember names of co-workers, distant friends, clients and many others. I rely on repetition, mnemonics and outright cheating (check the cell phone...check FaceBook...check the notes on my hand) in order to make sure I don't get caught without a name.
It all failed on me tonight.
A repeatedly called a friend I work with the wrong name tonight. When she called me on it, I completely blanked and could not conjure up her name. A name I usually was able to find without even thinking about it.
I failed.
All I could do was apologize.
Many times in life, I have felt like a jackass. Tonight, I would have been lying if I said I felt like a jackass.
I was the jackass.
Kelsey, I am so sorry. While this is not who I am, it IS who I am. I work so hard to cover up my difficulty with remembering names and tonight, it all fell apart.
I am so sorry. I can't begin to think of what I can do to make it right and I can't begin to tell you how much shame I feel.
I have worked diligently over the years to develop ways to remember names of co-workers, distant friends, clients and many others. I rely on repetition, mnemonics and outright cheating (check the cell phone...check FaceBook...check the notes on my hand) in order to make sure I don't get caught without a name.
It all failed on me tonight.
A repeatedly called a friend I work with the wrong name tonight. When she called me on it, I completely blanked and could not conjure up her name. A name I usually was able to find without even thinking about it.
I failed.
All I could do was apologize.
Many times in life, I have felt like a jackass. Tonight, I would have been lying if I said I felt like a jackass.
I was the jackass.
Kelsey, I am so sorry. While this is not who I am, it IS who I am. I work so hard to cover up my difficulty with remembering names and tonight, it all fell apart.
I am so sorry. I can't begin to think of what I can do to make it right and I can't begin to tell you how much shame I feel.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
To my wife
I read this post from Momastery and immediately thought of you. I was reminded of our commitment to each other, my love for you and of the wonderful friendship we have developed and maintained over all these years.
There is a song by Bebo Norman, called "Borrow Mine." It is a song he wrote about a conversation heard between two friends; one, who was going through deep personal troubles, told the other, "I just don't know if I have faith anymore." The other friend replied by saying, "Then, you can borrow mine. I'll have enough faith for both of us."
I love you.
There is a song by Bebo Norman, called "Borrow Mine." It is a song he wrote about a conversation heard between two friends; one, who was going through deep personal troubles, told the other, "I just don't know if I have faith anymore." The other friend replied by saying, "Then, you can borrow mine. I'll have enough faith for both of us."
I love you.
Firsts
This morning, Hope had to go into Emi's room and wake her up around 7:15. Typically, Emi wakes up on her own between 6:30 and 6:45. It is a race occurrence where we need to wake her up.
However, this morning, she said, "Mom, I don't want to wake up."
So it starts....
However, this morning, she said, "Mom, I don't want to wake up."
So it starts....
#44
I have been silent, politically speaking, recently.
Politics are what they are...seems like certain things never change.
Today frustrated me immensely. Why in the world do we need to extend the Bush era tax cuts to those earning $250k or more a year? Why? Can someone please explain this to me?
Why do the Democrats continue to kowtow to the Republican pressures and allow this? Take the fight to the streets. Explain to the dirt poor constituents in the Republican stronghold down south that the reason taxes are going back up is because the Republicans refused to extend the tax break because the rich were not included in the break.
All this to get an extension on unemployment benefits? Take that out into the streets and let the populace know that Republicans are fighting against it as well. See how well that flies within their constituency.
C'mon #44, grow a sack and get people mad. You are there to make a difference. You are there to make a change. Prove it to me. Be our leader, not our great conciliator.
Politics are what they are...seems like certain things never change.
Today frustrated me immensely. Why in the world do we need to extend the Bush era tax cuts to those earning $250k or more a year? Why? Can someone please explain this to me?
Why do the Democrats continue to kowtow to the Republican pressures and allow this? Take the fight to the streets. Explain to the dirt poor constituents in the Republican stronghold down south that the reason taxes are going back up is because the Republicans refused to extend the tax break because the rich were not included in the break.
All this to get an extension on unemployment benefits? Take that out into the streets and let the populace know that Republicans are fighting against it as well. See how well that flies within their constituency.
C'mon #44, grow a sack and get people mad. You are there to make a difference. You are there to make a change. Prove it to me. Be our leader, not our great conciliator.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Grateful for an old friend
I came across her post last weekend. The song stuck with me after Emiko seemed to like it. Hope agreed that it was a good cover as well.
Tonight, all was quiet in the house as Hope had passed out on the sofa. Emiko was asleep upstairs and I turned to one of the guitars to see if I still could teach myself how to play a song. A few moments listening, a few moments of tuning and I started to catch it.
Thanks, Sedson, for getting me to dust off a guitar tonight. It was relaxing and reinvigorating at the same time. A few moments of time to myself while I made a little music.
Tonight, all was quiet in the house as Hope had passed out on the sofa. Emiko was asleep upstairs and I turned to one of the guitars to see if I still could teach myself how to play a song. A few moments listening, a few moments of tuning and I started to catch it.
Thanks, Sedson, for getting me to dust off a guitar tonight. It was relaxing and reinvigorating at the same time. A few moments of time to myself while I made a little music.
Late nights
Emiko, you woke up last night and quietly called out for Daddy. Thanks for being so considerate...you didn't even wake up Mom who needs her sleep right now. You asked me to pick you up and we cuddled in the glider for a handful of precious minutes before you started nodding off again. I asked if you were ready to go back to bed and you said yes. But I wasn't ready to put you down.
I cherish these moments with you. I marvel at both how much you have grown and how you still fit so perfectly in my arms. I cherish your sleepy hugs and your quiet answers to my questions. I marvel at how clearly your mind processes thoughts, even when you are so tired. I will cherish these quiet father and daughter moments for the rest of time.
All my love,
Dad
I cherish these moments with you. I marvel at both how much you have grown and how you still fit so perfectly in my arms. I cherish your sleepy hugs and your quiet answers to my questions. I marvel at how clearly your mind processes thoughts, even when you are so tired. I will cherish these quiet father and daughter moments for the rest of time.
All my love,
Dad
Friday, November 19, 2010
Lesson Plan 7 - The Importance of Family
"Family is not an important thing, it's everything." - Michael J. Fox
Dearest Emiko, the quote above says it all, in fact, I'm having a difficult time trying to think of ways to expound on this. However, I would like to point out that family is not always blood relation. Family is also those friends closest to you, your sisters and brothers from other mothers.
Family will always help you get back up.
Family will always be there in your darkest hour.
Family will always share with you in the good and bad.
Family will always challenge you but they will never ask you why.
Family will always show you that you are loved.
Emi, I grew up a long way from our related family. It was an 8-10 hour trip from Maine to see our grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. And so, while we cherished those visits with our relatives, we also had a tight group of family friends who doubled as our Maine family. Our parents were best friends with our best friend's parents. That gave us two additional sets of parents who made sure we stayed in line, made sure we remained disciplined, made sure we didn't slack off from our studies. We always knew someone who loved us was looking after us.
My Mom and Dad always impressed upon us the importance of taking care of your family, and your friends, first. Your Mom and I hope to be able to do the same.
Family first, always.
With so much love,
Dad
Dearest Emiko, the quote above says it all, in fact, I'm having a difficult time trying to think of ways to expound on this. However, I would like to point out that family is not always blood relation. Family is also those friends closest to you, your sisters and brothers from other mothers.
Family will always help you get back up.
Family will always be there in your darkest hour.
Family will always share with you in the good and bad.
Family will always challenge you but they will never ask you why.
Family will always show you that you are loved.
Emi, I grew up a long way from our related family. It was an 8-10 hour trip from Maine to see our grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. And so, while we cherished those visits with our relatives, we also had a tight group of family friends who doubled as our Maine family. Our parents were best friends with our best friend's parents. That gave us two additional sets of parents who made sure we stayed in line, made sure we remained disciplined, made sure we didn't slack off from our studies. We always knew someone who loved us was looking after us.
My Mom and Dad always impressed upon us the importance of taking care of your family, and your friends, first. Your Mom and I hope to be able to do the same.
Family first, always.
With so much love,
Dad
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Emiko's first Av's game!
Well, not really. She has been to plenty in utero and she actually attended opening night in 2008 for a dinner with Sally before the game (Hope and Emi left during the anthem).
But, Emiko's first Av's game.
Since there was an early start on Monday, Hope and I discussed taking Emiko to the game. Of course, Emi overheard this and immediately latched onto the idea of going, thus negating any chance of us backing out.
We all drove down to meet Sally with Emiko chattering busily in the back seat about going to a hockey game. We walked in to the Pepsi Center and Emi continued to chatter about the big building, how she has been here before and that she was going to a hockey game.
We gave her a ticket which she carefully clutched and then passed to the ticket checker at the front door.
We paraded through the club level. For a while, she rode on my shoulders until a Pepsi Center employee asked me to pull her off my shoulders since there was a danger that she might fall. I complied and while she was safely on the ground, we put in ear plugs to protect her little ears.
Once we reached the front row seats, she sat for a moment but preferred to stand at the railing and stare at the ice. As players came out she became super excited. She laughed, danced to the music, and watched the entire first period on her feet.
At this point, it was time to take her home. I helped walk Hope out of the Pepsi Center. Emiko screamed the entire way which made for a long walk. She didn't want to leave, she wanted to stay and watch more hockey. She is in love with the game and simply wanted to see more.
If Canada is ever looking to offer someone honorary citizenship, Emi deserves it!
Well, not really. She has been to plenty in utero and she actually attended opening night in 2008 for a dinner with Sally before the game (Hope and Emi left during the anthem).
But, Emiko's first Av's game.
Since there was an early start on Monday, Hope and I discussed taking Emiko to the game. Of course, Emi overheard this and immediately latched onto the idea of going, thus negating any chance of us backing out.
We all drove down to meet Sally with Emiko chattering busily in the back seat about going to a hockey game. We walked in to the Pepsi Center and Emi continued to chatter about the big building, how she has been here before and that she was going to a hockey game.
We gave her a ticket which she carefully clutched and then passed to the ticket checker at the front door.
We paraded through the club level. For a while, she rode on my shoulders until a Pepsi Center employee asked me to pull her off my shoulders since there was a danger that she might fall. I complied and while she was safely on the ground, we put in ear plugs to protect her little ears.
Once we reached the front row seats, she sat for a moment but preferred to stand at the railing and stare at the ice. As players came out she became super excited. She laughed, danced to the music, and watched the entire first period on her feet.
At this point, it was time to take her home. I helped walk Hope out of the Pepsi Center. Emiko screamed the entire way which made for a long walk. She didn't want to leave, she wanted to stay and watch more hockey. She is in love with the game and simply wanted to see more.
If Canada is ever looking to offer someone honorary citizenship, Emi deserves it!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Emiko in the morning
Emiko called out when she woke up around 6:30 this morning, saying "Daddy...Daddy."
Hope suggested that I respond and I trundled out of bed and went into Emi's room. She was lying in her bed, surrounded by her blankets and her stuffed animals. Quite quiet and very calm.
As always, she told me "I woke up."
And I responded, "Yes, you did. Do you want to go cuddle in my bed?"
"No, I want to go downstairs.I want to check on Molly."
"But Mommy is in the bathroom. Do you want to go see her in the bathroom?"
"No, I want to go downstairs. I want to check on MOLLY and Izzy!"
"Ohhhh...they aren't her right now."
A sad face.
"We can ask them to have a sleepover next time they are here. That way they could be here in the morning."
A happy face.
"Yes, I want to go downstairs to check on Molly!"
******
My lovely daughter in the morning.
Hope suggested that I respond and I trundled out of bed and went into Emi's room. She was lying in her bed, surrounded by her blankets and her stuffed animals. Quite quiet and very calm.
As always, she told me "I woke up."
And I responded, "Yes, you did. Do you want to go cuddle in my bed?"
"No, I want to go downstairs.I want to check on Molly."
"But Mommy is in the bathroom. Do you want to go see her in the bathroom?"
"No, I want to go downstairs. I want to check on MOLLY and Izzy!"
"Ohhhh...they aren't her right now."
A sad face.
"We can ask them to have a sleepover next time they are here. That way they could be here in the morning."
A happy face.
"Yes, I want to go downstairs to check on Molly!"
******
My lovely daughter in the morning.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
A late drive home
On my way home tonight, I noticed that my "freeze" warning indicator was illuminated on the dash.
Winter is coming....
Winter is coming....
Saturday, October 30, 2010
The Things I Carried
Yes, I know, I'm ripping off a Tim O'Brien title. Great book, by the way. The Things They Carried is well worth owning and reading.
Tonight, when Hope and I got home from working a CU v CSU game at the Pepsi Center, I realized my wallet was missing. We searched the car. We searched my clothing. We searched my ref bag. And when we finished, we started over.
This was a first. We never found it.
So I started walking backwards in my mind, trying to pinpoint the last time I had it. I had purchased a water and a few Gatoraids for my evening skate at a corner store in Golden. And that is where my memory ended. But after checking my voicemail at the office (business cards in my wallet) and then my email, I began to doubt that I had left my wallet at the store. I began to assume that it had fallen out of my vest pocket when I transferred into my suit outside the ice arena.
So I climbed in the car and began a midnight drive back to the parking lot where we had initially left our car. I say initially since Hope and Emiko dropped me off and then Hope took Emi home to put her to bed before returning to the rink.
I searched the rink lot and found nothing. I called security inside the ice arena to see if anything had been turned in and they said no.
I was at a loss. I climbed back in the car and began to leave the rink. As I pulled onto Speer Blvd, I noticed a strange lump in the road. So I looped around and tried to get a better look. The second loop was inconclusive so I looped again and as I pulled over the lump I opened my car door and sure enough, my wallet was in the middle of the street.
I opened it and found all my credit cards missing.
Not to jump to conclusions just yet, I looped one more time, found a parking space and walked up and down the both sides of the four lanes on Speer. I found my HSA debit card and nothing else.
I returned to my car and began calling the bank and my credit card companies. Discover was fantastic. So was Barclay's. But Wells Fargo? They wanted to know my last deposit. The last transaction. The banker didn't seem to understand that I use my debit card for everything, I didn't have those numbers in front of me to the very last penny. I had to return home, get online to see that info, and call at that point.
Grrr.
Unfortunately, that wasn't the worst part (no, no unauthorized transactions or cash stolen). The worst part was the loss of the little things I always carried with me.
Wallet: a gift from Hope now thoroughly ruined
License: still there though mildly crushed
USA hockey card: still there
CHL game credential: still there
Health Insurance card: a little worse for wear
Various food punch cards: beginning to sound a bit like George but there
HSA debit card: found on the side of the road intact
Aquarium membership : split in half but still there
Yeti business cards: crushed but still with me
LL Bean card: gone
Discover card: gone
Wells Fargo debit card: gone
Costco card: gone
Here is where I began to miss things....
King Soopers card: gone. I know. Just a club membership. But years ago, when I went to Florida to cut wood with Brad and Mac, I had cut the corner from this card to work as a guitar pick while I was visiting my friend Sheila in South Carolina. Every time I used my King Soopers card, I was reminded of the trip and my new and old friends.
Anthony's quote: gone. Written on a Yeti business card with his name on it. My fall back quote that I rely on so much that I always kept close at hand. You may remember this post....
Fibby's quote: gone. Another quote I would look at when I needed a reminder.
Judd Mortimer quote: gone. A quote I have carried on a care-worn piece of paper since some of my earliest days here in Colorado. A quote I cannot seem to recollect at this hour. A quote that I will have to spend some time pondering and remembering.
And that's really what they all are. These things I now am missing. Simply memories, reminders and guides for my spirit when times are low. Part of me says it may be time to find new ones and to let go of the old though they have served me so well over the years.
That's all for tonight...it is way too late at night for any real coherency.
Tonight, when Hope and I got home from working a CU v CSU game at the Pepsi Center, I realized my wallet was missing. We searched the car. We searched my clothing. We searched my ref bag. And when we finished, we started over.
This was a first. We never found it.
So I started walking backwards in my mind, trying to pinpoint the last time I had it. I had purchased a water and a few Gatoraids for my evening skate at a corner store in Golden. And that is where my memory ended. But after checking my voicemail at the office (business cards in my wallet) and then my email, I began to doubt that I had left my wallet at the store. I began to assume that it had fallen out of my vest pocket when I transferred into my suit outside the ice arena.
So I climbed in the car and began a midnight drive back to the parking lot where we had initially left our car. I say initially since Hope and Emiko dropped me off and then Hope took Emi home to put her to bed before returning to the rink.
I searched the rink lot and found nothing. I called security inside the ice arena to see if anything had been turned in and they said no.
I was at a loss. I climbed back in the car and began to leave the rink. As I pulled onto Speer Blvd, I noticed a strange lump in the road. So I looped around and tried to get a better look. The second loop was inconclusive so I looped again and as I pulled over the lump I opened my car door and sure enough, my wallet was in the middle of the street.
I opened it and found all my credit cards missing.
Not to jump to conclusions just yet, I looped one more time, found a parking space and walked up and down the both sides of the four lanes on Speer. I found my HSA debit card and nothing else.
I returned to my car and began calling the bank and my credit card companies. Discover was fantastic. So was Barclay's. But Wells Fargo? They wanted to know my last deposit. The last transaction. The banker didn't seem to understand that I use my debit card for everything, I didn't have those numbers in front of me to the very last penny. I had to return home, get online to see that info, and call at that point.
Grrr.
Unfortunately, that wasn't the worst part (no, no unauthorized transactions or cash stolen). The worst part was the loss of the little things I always carried with me.
Wallet: a gift from Hope now thoroughly ruined
License: still there though mildly crushed
USA hockey card: still there
CHL game credential: still there
Health Insurance card: a little worse for wear
Various food punch cards: beginning to sound a bit like George but there
HSA debit card: found on the side of the road intact
Aquarium membership : split in half but still there
Yeti business cards: crushed but still with me
LL Bean card: gone
Discover card: gone
Wells Fargo debit card: gone
Costco card: gone
Here is where I began to miss things....
King Soopers card: gone. I know. Just a club membership. But years ago, when I went to Florida to cut wood with Brad and Mac, I had cut the corner from this card to work as a guitar pick while I was visiting my friend Sheila in South Carolina. Every time I used my King Soopers card, I was reminded of the trip and my new and old friends.
Anthony's quote: gone. Written on a Yeti business card with his name on it. My fall back quote that I rely on so much that I always kept close at hand. You may remember this post....
Fibby's quote: gone. Another quote I would look at when I needed a reminder.
Judd Mortimer quote: gone. A quote I have carried on a care-worn piece of paper since some of my earliest days here in Colorado. A quote I cannot seem to recollect at this hour. A quote that I will have to spend some time pondering and remembering.
And that's really what they all are. These things I now am missing. Simply memories, reminders and guides for my spirit when times are low. Part of me says it may be time to find new ones and to let go of the old though they have served me so well over the years.
That's all for tonight...it is way too late at night for any real coherency.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Lesson 6 - Celebration and Acceptance
Dearest Emiko, I cannot begin to find the words to express all the thoughts that are swirling through my mind on this late Friday evening. I can only begin to say that I have been humbled after reading the following post from another blog named Momastery. And I only came across this post due to a shared post from your Auntie Phoebe. So, when you are old enough to understand what you will read, please make sure to thank her.
Emi, the following will be nothing new to you. Mom and I are committed to impressing upon you the importance of welcoming others with open arms. To not be judgemental. And to stand up for what you know in your heart is right. To borrow from Paulo Coelho: if you and your heart become friends, neither you nor your heart will be capable of betraying the other.
A Mountain I am Willing to Die On
This wonderful essay moved me to tears. And that's ok. While the topic is tragic and it makes me sad, I am also overjoyed to see that there are others willing to stand up for their beliefs. Step by step, we will all continue to make this world a more beautiful place.
Please know that if you only listen to your heart, you will always know the answer when you are confronted by the challenges of life. Because I know you will always make the right choice.
I love you so very much and can't wait for you to wake so we can spend tomorrow together.
Dad
Emi, the following will be nothing new to you. Mom and I are committed to impressing upon you the importance of welcoming others with open arms. To not be judgemental. And to stand up for what you know in your heart is right. To borrow from Paulo Coelho: if you and your heart become friends, neither you nor your heart will be capable of betraying the other.
A Mountain I am Willing to Die On
This wonderful essay moved me to tears. And that's ok. While the topic is tragic and it makes me sad, I am also overjoyed to see that there are others willing to stand up for their beliefs. Step by step, we will all continue to make this world a more beautiful place.
Please know that if you only listen to your heart, you will always know the answer when you are confronted by the challenges of life. Because I know you will always make the right choice.
I love you so very much and can't wait for you to wake so we can spend tomorrow together.
Dad
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Canadian Thanksgiving
Family and friends, all at our house....
We got to do the full turkey and all the fixings in honor of all things Canadian today (actually...it just made sense since Mom was in town and Molly and Cheryl will be working for Thanksgiving).
A tremendous guest list made it even more fun. Cousin Chris, Uncle Sam, Aunties Molly and Cheryl, Mom, Cousin George, Auntie Mary Jo, and of course the Colorado Mukai family were all in attendance.
Good times, good food and I'm wiped. But a huge thanks to all for showing up and making this Sunday such a special day. Emiko had a wonderful time with new friends and old!
We got to do the full turkey and all the fixings in honor of all things Canadian today (actually...it just made sense since Mom was in town and Molly and Cheryl will be working for Thanksgiving).
A tremendous guest list made it even more fun. Cousin Chris, Uncle Sam, Aunties Molly and Cheryl, Mom, Cousin George, Auntie Mary Jo, and of course the Colorado Mukai family were all in attendance.
Good times, good food and I'm wiped. But a huge thanks to all for showing up and making this Sunday such a special day. Emiko had a wonderful time with new friends and old!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
In Memory of Peter
There are never words for times such as these. Peter has been with Molly for as long as I have known her, her stalwart companion. Molly lost her friend yesterday and we share the loss with her.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
New music
Since I have so recently been on the subject of music....
Emiko's taste in music, while broad, has taken a precocious turn as she now asks for songs to be skipped while we are in the car by saying, "A different one?". This is probably her finding that she can control a small part of her environment but when she is frustrated with a lack of our response to her pleas for a new song, she cries out "Change it!" from the back seat.
Tonight as I put her down for bed, we sang her two favorite songs before she was comfortable crawling into her crib for the night. Knights of Bostonia and Right Me Up. She then asked for her jazz CD instead of the Rhyme Time Baby CD that she has been listening to at night.
Given this behavior as of late, I decided it was time that Dad made her a CD. After hours of deliberation and culling songs from our collection, I think I finally have the play list. I wanted songs she is familiar with but I also wanted to find a way to open her repertoire up to some new artists as well.
Emiko's taste in music, while broad, has taken a precocious turn as she now asks for songs to be skipped while we are in the car by saying, "A different one?". This is probably her finding that she can control a small part of her environment but when she is frustrated with a lack of our response to her pleas for a new song, she cries out "Change it!" from the back seat.
Tonight as I put her down for bed, we sang her two favorite songs before she was comfortable crawling into her crib for the night. Knights of Bostonia and Right Me Up. She then asked for her jazz CD instead of the Rhyme Time Baby CD that she has been listening to at night.
Given this behavior as of late, I decided it was time that Dad made her a CD. After hours of deliberation and culling songs from our collection, I think I finally have the play list. I wanted songs she is familiar with but I also wanted to find a way to open her repertoire up to some new artists as well.
- Knights of Bostonia - State Radio (go figure)
- Right Me Up - State Radio (if you didn't see that coming...)
- Angel Standing By - Jewel (her third most favorite song though I struggle to sing this one a cappella
- Lullaby (Goodnight, My Angel) - Billy Joel (c'mon, no lullaby collection is complete without this one and she enjoys hearing me sing this one to her on occasion)
- Winslow's Lullaby - The Sweet Remains (YOU, loyal reader, should have seen this coming too. This is Phoebe's song for Emi)
- Goodnight - Linda Ronstadt (I know...this should be the Beatles' version but I somehow don't own that version)
- The Only Living Boy in New York - Simon & Garfunkel (a song Hope and I sing for our daughter when we are together to put Emi to bed)
- Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole (if you have never heard this, look it up and it will make your day)
- Blackbird - Sarah McLachlan (such a wonderfully peaceful take on a Beatles' classic)
- All the Wild Horses - Ray Lamontagne (about as subtle as Ray can be...)
- Streets of Philadelphia - Bruce Springsteen (another video Emi enjoys)
- La Mer - Kevin Kline
- Scarborough Fair/Canticle - Simon & Garfunkel
- She Says - Ani Difranco (it was difficult to find a song that was quiet enough and not too provocative)
- Yesterday - The Beatles (I struggled between this version and a one solo by McCartney)
- 12:59 Lullaby - Bedouin Soundclash
- Sunset Road - Bela Fleck & The Flecktones
- The Scarlet Tide - Alison Krauss
- Sweet Dreams - Dixie Chicks (the first time I heard this, Hope was singing it and I was convinced that she had written the song herself)
- Baby Mine - Alison Krauss
- Out of the Woods - Nickel Creek
Monday, August 30, 2010
A night out
It's a perfect night to be celebrating life here in Colorado. We are sharing the night with two of our closest friends at Red Rocks enjoying Ray Lamontagne.
Who'd have thought during the first time we saw him at The Fox Theater in Boulder that we would be here now? February '05...we had just bought our house and were in the process of unpacking the boxes when Dad flew in to ski with Jeff. Married with an incredible daughter? I'm not sure if it the music or the memories that are causing me to tear up. Perhaps both...
"A man needs something he can hold on to. A nine pound hammer or a woman like you."
Here I am hanging on to Hope's shoulders. Pretending to rub them but really just trying to stay upright as I have nothing left in me after my bought with the stomach flu over the past four days. May I always have my wife's shoulders to lean on.
The next show we saw Ray at was a bigger venue: the Paramount Theater in Denver, November '06. We even took my parents to this show. This was his breakout show for us. He nailed it, we were hooked. This was the first time I really had the opportunity to listen to the songs I had drawn from so heavily during the summer of the previous year. Hope had spent that summer travelling and I spent the time writing a song for her that I had no idea would become my proposal to her.
And these memories come flooding back with his music now as a man proposes to his wife during this show just a few feet away from us.
The next show was at CU Boulder in November '08. Of all the shows, this is the only one that we could say was less than stellar. And it was a great show, it just didn't have the energy that other shows had. But it was a special night for us. Molly was babysitting for us to give us our first night away from Emiko...all of two months old.
Ellie Caulkins Opera House, November '09. Ray solo. Up close and personal. And we was so personable that night. Talking, telling stories, joking...something we had never seen before. Truly a night to remember. Molly looked after Emi again; Hope and I vowed that Molly was coming to the next Ray concert.
And here we are. August '10 at Red Rocks. As Hope said, it is the cherry on the sundae.
There is an energy here at Red Rocks. A bar was set in the 80's when U2 broke out here. I've seen Neil Young meet that bar here with Cow Girl in the Rain. Petty came close. State Radio was special but they get bonus points with Chad being an old Middlebury buddy and being our daughter's favorite band.
"Are we strangers now like rock n roll and radio?"
What a poignant chorus. Music has been so dear to me but it is no longer found on the air waves. It's found on iTunes. It's word of mouth. It's Slacker radio. It's the Music Genome Project. It is not the drivel we find on the air waves, it does not move my soul.
Ray is still up at the top of that list. He finished his first set with a driving rendition of Henry Nearly Killed Me (It's a Shame). His encore was a simple medley of Neil Young's Down by the River and Pink Floyd's Breathe (Reprise). Incredible.
We'll be back again.
Who'd have thought during the first time we saw him at The Fox Theater in Boulder that we would be here now? February '05...we had just bought our house and were in the process of unpacking the boxes when Dad flew in to ski with Jeff. Married with an incredible daughter? I'm not sure if it the music or the memories that are causing me to tear up. Perhaps both...
"A man needs something he can hold on to. A nine pound hammer or a woman like you."
Here I am hanging on to Hope's shoulders. Pretending to rub them but really just trying to stay upright as I have nothing left in me after my bought with the stomach flu over the past four days. May I always have my wife's shoulders to lean on.
The next show we saw Ray at was a bigger venue: the Paramount Theater in Denver, November '06. We even took my parents to this show. This was his breakout show for us. He nailed it, we were hooked. This was the first time I really had the opportunity to listen to the songs I had drawn from so heavily during the summer of the previous year. Hope had spent that summer travelling and I spent the time writing a song for her that I had no idea would become my proposal to her.
And these memories come flooding back with his music now as a man proposes to his wife during this show just a few feet away from us.
The next show was at CU Boulder in November '08. Of all the shows, this is the only one that we could say was less than stellar. And it was a great show, it just didn't have the energy that other shows had. But it was a special night for us. Molly was babysitting for us to give us our first night away from Emiko...all of two months old.
Ellie Caulkins Opera House, November '09. Ray solo. Up close and personal. And we was so personable that night. Talking, telling stories, joking...something we had never seen before. Truly a night to remember. Molly looked after Emi again; Hope and I vowed that Molly was coming to the next Ray concert.
And here we are. August '10 at Red Rocks. As Hope said, it is the cherry on the sundae.
There is an energy here at Red Rocks. A bar was set in the 80's when U2 broke out here. I've seen Neil Young meet that bar here with Cow Girl in the Rain. Petty came close. State Radio was special but they get bonus points with Chad being an old Middlebury buddy and being our daughter's favorite band.
"Are we strangers now like rock n roll and radio?"
What a poignant chorus. Music has been so dear to me but it is no longer found on the air waves. It's found on iTunes. It's word of mouth. It's Slacker radio. It's the Music Genome Project. It is not the drivel we find on the air waves, it does not move my soul.
Ray is still up at the top of that list. He finished his first set with a driving rendition of Henry Nearly Killed Me (It's a Shame). His encore was a simple medley of Neil Young's Down by the River and Pink Floyd's Breathe (Reprise). Incredible.
We'll be back again.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Overdue thank you
We were given an album a while ago by one of our dearest friends. And we appreciated the music for many reasons. The is a Middlebury connection, an artist we have enjoyed in the past and it is fantastic acoustic music.
I was out driving the other day and this one song came up on the iPod. And it suddenly struck me. Not that it wasn't pointed out before by our friend but for some reason the song suddenly rang true.
I finally heard the lyrics. I finally heard the notes. It finally came together and made sense.
So thanks Fibby. I needed this!
If I could wash your fears away
And walk you down to the waters edge
Read your fortune in the stars above
If it would set your mind at ease.
And I would take your hand in mine
We would sing a new song
Walk you home by the light of the April moon
If it would set your mind at ease.
Lay your worries and your trouble by the front door, Son
C'mon in 'cause it's supper time
May your heartache bother you no more, Son
Little child of mine.
If I could chase those clouds away
And turn that raining into sunshine
If I could speak the healing of your heart
You know I would set your mind at ease.
Lay your worries and your trouble by the front door, Son
C'mon in 'cause it's supper time
May your heartache bother you no more, Son
Little child of mine.
Darling won't you play with me
Hem these rays of sunlight
Darling won't you stay with me
'Til I know that it's alright
Alright, yeah
Alright, yeah
Sweet child don't cry
And I will sing a lullaby
Sweet child don't cry
And I will sing a lullaby
-Winslow's Lullaby, The Sweet Remains
I was out driving the other day and this one song came up on the iPod. And it suddenly struck me. Not that it wasn't pointed out before by our friend but for some reason the song suddenly rang true.
I finally heard the lyrics. I finally heard the notes. It finally came together and made sense.
So thanks Fibby. I needed this!
If I could wash your fears away
And walk you down to the waters edge
Read your fortune in the stars above
If it would set your mind at ease.
And I would take your hand in mine
We would sing a new song
Walk you home by the light of the April moon
If it would set your mind at ease.
Lay your worries and your trouble by the front door, Son
C'mon in 'cause it's supper time
May your heartache bother you no more, Son
Little child of mine.
If I could chase those clouds away
And turn that raining into sunshine
If I could speak the healing of your heart
You know I would set your mind at ease.
Lay your worries and your trouble by the front door, Son
C'mon in 'cause it's supper time
May your heartache bother you no more, Son
Little child of mine.
Darling won't you play with me
Hem these rays of sunlight
Darling won't you stay with me
'Til I know that it's alright
Alright, yeah
Alright, yeah
Sweet child don't cry
And I will sing a lullaby
Sweet child don't cry
And I will sing a lullaby
-Winslow's Lullaby, The Sweet Remains
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Firsts
I've been meaning to write this down for weeks now. Then again, it seems as if there have been so many "firsts" as of late that I'm having a hard time keeping track of all of them in my head.
Emiko and I were out playing in the Land Rover a few weeks back, just as she always loves to. She understands how the key works to unlock the door. She understands that the key goes in the ignition. This one time, she asked me to start the truck and I obliged from the passenger seat. I watched Emi pretend to drive and flip switches from the passenger seat. After several minutes of idling, I killed the engine and handed her the keys (she loves holding keys). I turned my attention to some old tapes in the backseat and then heard the starter kick and the engine catch. I turned back to see Emi smiling up at me saying, "I did it."
Yes, you did. No more keys for you....
A good friend loaned us a pair of hockey skates for Emi. I brought them home after reffing one night and set them in the bedroom before climbing into bed and drifting off to sleep. The next morning, I called Emi into our room when she awoke me. I told her I had a "gift." She came in with her eyes sparkling and I showed her the skates. She promptly sat down in my lap and told me to put them on her feet. The moment we had the skates laced up, she stood up and began to walk off. I scrambled to catch her and hold her hand but she was already walking all over the place. I spent the rest of my morning before work trying to convince her to let me take them off.
I love this little girl.
Emiko and I were out playing in the Land Rover a few weeks back, just as she always loves to. She understands how the key works to unlock the door. She understands that the key goes in the ignition. This one time, she asked me to start the truck and I obliged from the passenger seat. I watched Emi pretend to drive and flip switches from the passenger seat. After several minutes of idling, I killed the engine and handed her the keys (she loves holding keys). I turned my attention to some old tapes in the backseat and then heard the starter kick and the engine catch. I turned back to see Emi smiling up at me saying, "I did it."
Yes, you did. No more keys for you....
A good friend loaned us a pair of hockey skates for Emi. I brought them home after reffing one night and set them in the bedroom before climbing into bed and drifting off to sleep. The next morning, I called Emi into our room when she awoke me. I told her I had a "gift." She came in with her eyes sparkling and I showed her the skates. She promptly sat down in my lap and told me to put them on her feet. The moment we had the skates laced up, she stood up and began to walk off. I scrambled to catch her and hold her hand but she was already walking all over the place. I spent the rest of my morning before work trying to convince her to let me take them off.
I love this little girl.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
For S and J
There are some days when I must seek solace in words from the past.
Yesterday, I found out my friends lost their unborn child to suffocation by the umbilical cord. I cannot begin to express the grief I felt when I read their message and today still struggle to find a way to come to terms with such tragic news.
As a parent, we must bear the burden of fears for the children we bring to this world. We must also bear the burden for the hopes and dreams our children bring to light. And in the end, we must find a way to come to terms with the concerns that are saddled on our shoulders when we make the choice to become Moms and Dads.
Yesterday, I searched for the right words for a card for S, J and Mali. Yesterday, I turned to the words of a friend who has passed but still reaches out to offer guidance, comfort and wisdom. Yesterday, I shed a tear for loved ones lost.
"Here it is starting to be spring a little, green shoots are coming up in the lawn, struggling up through their dead ancestors. This could be taken as a metaphor, we too should struggle up through the death of the previous year, but we should not leave it entirely behind. To leave it behind would be a disservice to them and us. They need for us to preserve the memories, and we need, desperately need, the things that those memories give us.
Sadness, Joy, Hope, Contemplation.
Life is not a Garden of Eden, life is kind of like the desert, there are many things that hurt, bite and sting. (In that story, you wonder how it would have ended if he had told them not to eat the snake) But one has to find beauty in all of them. I'm sure this sounds hackneyed, but it applies.
When are we going to the desert?"
-Anthony Sloan Feb 19, 1997
Yesterday, I found out my friends lost their unborn child to suffocation by the umbilical cord. I cannot begin to express the grief I felt when I read their message and today still struggle to find a way to come to terms with such tragic news.
As a parent, we must bear the burden of fears for the children we bring to this world. We must also bear the burden for the hopes and dreams our children bring to light. And in the end, we must find a way to come to terms with the concerns that are saddled on our shoulders when we make the choice to become Moms and Dads.
Yesterday, I searched for the right words for a card for S, J and Mali. Yesterday, I turned to the words of a friend who has passed but still reaches out to offer guidance, comfort and wisdom. Yesterday, I shed a tear for loved ones lost.
"Here it is starting to be spring a little, green shoots are coming up in the lawn, struggling up through their dead ancestors. This could be taken as a metaphor, we too should struggle up through the death of the previous year, but we should not leave it entirely behind. To leave it behind would be a disservice to them and us. They need for us to preserve the memories, and we need, desperately need, the things that those memories give us.
Sadness, Joy, Hope, Contemplation.
Life is not a Garden of Eden, life is kind of like the desert, there are many things that hurt, bite and sting. (In that story, you wonder how it would have ended if he had told them not to eat the snake) But one has to find beauty in all of them. I'm sure this sounds hackneyed, but it applies.
When are we going to the desert?"
-Anthony Sloan Feb 19, 1997
Friday, June 18, 2010
A minute
Growing up, Dad always cycled through my brother's bedrooms, giving us each a minute where he would like down with us as we fell asleep. Each one of us would lie stock still in hopes that Dad would fall asleep and that our "minnie" would stretch longer than 60 seconds. It was our final moments of the day that we always shared with Dad which would lead us to sleep and dreams.
Last night, Emiko had her first true "minnie" with Dad. As we prepped for bed, she set up a little nest on the floor with her stuffed animals (Joshua the Giraffe, bear and pup-pup) and we lay down to cuddle for a moment. While she lay there talking, I gradually dozed off until I realized I was snoring and slowly worked my way back to lucidity. She was still sitting by my side talking to herself and a quick glance at my watch quickly told me that about 15 minutes had past.
Her first "minnie."
I love this kiddo!
Last night, Emiko had her first true "minnie" with Dad. As we prepped for bed, she set up a little nest on the floor with her stuffed animals (Joshua the Giraffe, bear and pup-pup) and we lay down to cuddle for a moment. While she lay there talking, I gradually dozed off until I realized I was snoring and slowly worked my way back to lucidity. She was still sitting by my side talking to herself and a quick glance at my watch quickly told me that about 15 minutes had past.
Her first "minnie."
I love this kiddo!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Lesson Plan 5 - Patience
Emiko, I was going to use my blog last night as an opportunity to vent. I wrote an entire posting in my head on the way to hockey; all the things I wanted to say. It was going to be my release for all the frustrations I have had over the past few weeks.
When I got to the rink, I saw I was getting a chance to skate with an old friend. Once we got out on the ice, all my frustrations melted away and left me feeling rejuvenated after two games. I was in a better place in my mind.
I began to see the folly in my plan during my drive home. My blog is not an opportunity for me to semi-anonymously vent my frustrations to the world. That would be incredibly wrong. As our world has changed, the Internet has provided too many people the opportunity to post hurtful comments that do nothing to help benefit society. I will not lead you to believe that you will ever be allowed to do the same thing.
Emiko, you must understand that there is a time when you need to stand up and let you voice be heard. But you must never to that under the cover of anonymity. If you feel something needs to be said, do it and stand by your words proudly. Know that Mom and I will stand up with you and support you.
However, there will also be times that you will need to learn that you must bite your tongue. Generation to generation, we have been told that if you don't have something nice to say, don't say a thing. I will also include that if you don't have something beneficial to add to a dialogue, don't seek to interject yourself just for the sake of being heard.
There will be times that you will need to remove yourself from a situation and let it go. Venting your frustrations may not necessarily be the best way to rectify a situation. Approaching certain problems head on may sometimes work but you will need to learn that there are those times that a cooler head will prevail.
Mom and I will help you find ways to let go of those frustrations. It may be a sport you choose to play, it may be an instrument you choose to make music with or it may simply be a special place in the mountains you can retreat to until it has all settled out.
Emiko, Mom and I will do our very best to guide you as you learn to find your way in life. We'll listen when you need to let it all go. We'll be there for a hug when you need us to help you disappear from your troubles. But most of all, we'll stand by your side when you feel your voice needs to be heard.
I love you so much more every time I see you.
Dad
When I got to the rink, I saw I was getting a chance to skate with an old friend. Once we got out on the ice, all my frustrations melted away and left me feeling rejuvenated after two games. I was in a better place in my mind.
I began to see the folly in my plan during my drive home. My blog is not an opportunity for me to semi-anonymously vent my frustrations to the world. That would be incredibly wrong. As our world has changed, the Internet has provided too many people the opportunity to post hurtful comments that do nothing to help benefit society. I will not lead you to believe that you will ever be allowed to do the same thing.
Emiko, you must understand that there is a time when you need to stand up and let you voice be heard. But you must never to that under the cover of anonymity. If you feel something needs to be said, do it and stand by your words proudly. Know that Mom and I will stand up with you and support you.
However, there will also be times that you will need to learn that you must bite your tongue. Generation to generation, we have been told that if you don't have something nice to say, don't say a thing. I will also include that if you don't have something beneficial to add to a dialogue, don't seek to interject yourself just for the sake of being heard.
There will be times that you will need to remove yourself from a situation and let it go. Venting your frustrations may not necessarily be the best way to rectify a situation. Approaching certain problems head on may sometimes work but you will need to learn that there are those times that a cooler head will prevail.
Mom and I will help you find ways to let go of those frustrations. It may be a sport you choose to play, it may be an instrument you choose to make music with or it may simply be a special place in the mountains you can retreat to until it has all settled out.
Emiko, Mom and I will do our very best to guide you as you learn to find your way in life. We'll listen when you need to let it all go. We'll be there for a hug when you need us to help you disappear from your troubles. But most of all, we'll stand by your side when you feel your voice needs to be heard.
I love you so much more every time I see you.
Dad
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
A quiet moment
I noticed a little Honda Element parked along the side of the road on my way to hockey tonight. I've seen cars parked at this location but never quite as askew as this. It looked like they had come in hot and the rear doors were wide open with a sheet spread across the interior. It was empty and no one was inside or in sight.
My heart immediately went out to them as the Element was parked in front of a tiny Emergency Vet clinic where the Vet lives in the adjoining house and is available at all hours of the day and night.
Whenever you see a car parked here late at night, I can only imagine the fear and the pain that must be held inside that tiny red building. But I am also so relieved that a Vet has decided to set up shop, live where he or she works and to be there during my fellow pet owners most trying times.
God bless.
My heart immediately went out to them as the Element was parked in front of a tiny Emergency Vet clinic where the Vet lives in the adjoining house and is available at all hours of the day and night.
Whenever you see a car parked here late at night, I can only imagine the fear and the pain that must be held inside that tiny red building. But I am also so relieved that a Vet has decided to set up shop, live where he or she works and to be there during my fellow pet owners most trying times.
God bless.
One cool evening after hockey
I played hockey last night. I had a blast, scored a few goals and generally felt pretty darn good on the ice. When we finished, I headed toward home but Hope was already asleep and I was feeling pretty hungry. I settled on a pizza and swung by Old C's.
While I waited for my late night meal, I spent some time catching up by reading some old emails. While I was staring at my Blackberry, this email from Bob Lefsetz came in and as I read it, I was nearly moved to happy tears thinking about the time Hope and I saw U2 at the Pepsi Center.
U2 was always one of the bands on my bucket list. When I got to see them with my future wife, it was a dream come true.
So when I walked out of Old C's, I popped in my remastered copy of Joshua Tree, rolled down the windows and cranked the volume.
I was at peace.
I was in heaven.
I was alive.
I was so appreciative for my many blessings.
While I waited for my late night meal, I spent some time catching up by reading some old emails. While I was staring at my Blackberry, this email from Bob Lefsetz came in and as I read it, I was nearly moved to happy tears thinking about the time Hope and I saw U2 at the Pepsi Center.
U2 was always one of the bands on my bucket list. When I got to see them with my future wife, it was a dream come true.
So when I walked out of Old C's, I popped in my remastered copy of Joshua Tree, rolled down the windows and cranked the volume.
I was at peace.
I was in heaven.
I was alive.
I was so appreciative for my many blessings.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Lesson Plan 4- Education
Emiko, I received a message from a person I know in the cycling industry. He is working through school, working at a bike shop and all he wants to do is continue working in the cycling industry. He is wondering how important it is for him to finish college.
Emiko, I can not begin to stress how important it will be for you to further your education. We are, right now, faced with a shift in the paradigm of our workplace. Jobs are continuing to be outsourced over seas. Workers are asked to do more on a daily basis with less. Jobs are eliminated and those responsibilities are being shifted to those who remain. Workers are being asked to be more productive with their time as they cover vacated positions that will not be filled.
And none of this is necessarily wrong. As an individual, we will need to be able to adapt to this new way of work life. We need to make sure that rather than stagnating in a position, we continue to push ourselves to learn more and increase our value at work rather than miring ourselves in what some see to be a hopeless position.
It will be a whole new world for you and for me by the time any of this begins to make sense.
I love you. More than anything else.
Dad
D, I would be remiss if I told you not to finish school.
Finish school. While I know plenty of people who work in the cycling industry without the benefit of college education and do fairly well, you will have a better shot getting a job at the company of your choice if you approach them with a college education in your background. Beyond having a simple piece of paper that states you are a graduate, college can also help further your ability to learn new systems quickly. It shows your employers-to-be that you have the motivation to finish what you start and that you are dedicated to continuing your personal education.
I know how difficult, both from a time standpoint as well as a fiscal one, college can be. It took me ten years to pay off my college loans. But I promise you that you will have more opportunity if you decide to finish off school. Finish school.
Finally, as much as you desire to work in the bike industry now, things may change in ten years. You may want to change your career. You may be forced to change your career for various reasons. You may decide to start a new company. Do not limit your future by walking away from an education right now.
Finish school.
I’ll get off my soapbox now.
Emiko, I can not begin to stress how important it will be for you to further your education. We are, right now, faced with a shift in the paradigm of our workplace. Jobs are continuing to be outsourced over seas. Workers are asked to do more on a daily basis with less. Jobs are eliminated and those responsibilities are being shifted to those who remain. Workers are being asked to be more productive with their time as they cover vacated positions that will not be filled.
And none of this is necessarily wrong. As an individual, we will need to be able to adapt to this new way of work life. We need to make sure that rather than stagnating in a position, we continue to push ourselves to learn more and increase our value at work rather than miring ourselves in what some see to be a hopeless position.
It will be a whole new world for you and for me by the time any of this begins to make sense.
I love you. More than anything else.
Dad
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Time
It used to be I had all the time in the world. There was no rush and even if I had to be somewhere at a specific time, I usually did not have to worry about going anywhere else afterward. I was used to checking my cell phone for the time and just gauging the rest from there.
These days, it seems like not only do I often have a fairly set schedule, I also have to pay attention to how long I have been doing something as I usually need to run off to the next appointment. Relying on a cell phone that may or may not be in my pocket is no longer reliable.
All this leads up to me needing a watch. I had decided a while back that I wanted to find myself a nice watch...save up some scrill and splurge a bit on something that would be with me for a long time. However, I was having a tough time finding something that suited me. I was also struggling with finding a brand that was neither too hoighty toighty or too Mickey Mouse.
I bumped into a Seiko in my travels and that brought back memories. Memories of my Grandfather's gold Seiko. A watch that was going to stay in the family after he passed on. It was passed along but belongs to someone outside the family due to a little criminal issue in Montreal.
I started keeping my eyes open for the right Seiko and ultimately settled on a Kinetic Seiko that looked like it would fit the bill.
It keeps time. I don't have to wind it. It keeps me on track.
Most of all, every time I see it, I remember my Grandfather. That means more to me than keeping track of what time it actually is.
Every now and then, we have to look back to figure out where we are and see where we are going.
These days, it seems like not only do I often have a fairly set schedule, I also have to pay attention to how long I have been doing something as I usually need to run off to the next appointment. Relying on a cell phone that may or may not be in my pocket is no longer reliable.
All this leads up to me needing a watch. I had decided a while back that I wanted to find myself a nice watch...save up some scrill and splurge a bit on something that would be with me for a long time. However, I was having a tough time finding something that suited me. I was also struggling with finding a brand that was neither too hoighty toighty or too Mickey Mouse.
I bumped into a Seiko in my travels and that brought back memories. Memories of my Grandfather's gold Seiko. A watch that was going to stay in the family after he passed on. It was passed along but belongs to someone outside the family due to a little criminal issue in Montreal.
I started keeping my eyes open for the right Seiko and ultimately settled on a Kinetic Seiko that looked like it would fit the bill.
It keeps time. I don't have to wind it. It keeps me on track.
Most of all, every time I see it, I remember my Grandfather. That means more to me than keeping track of what time it actually is.
Every now and then, we have to look back to figure out where we are and see where we are going.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
I'm going to miss this bike
I'm going to miss this bike.
I've cleaned her up, checked all the bolts, the wheels, lubed the chain and pulled my name stickers off the frame.
But then I got to my black tape.
As many of you may know or remember, when Anthony passed, I put his initials on a black piece of hockey tape around my seat tube. I've looked at it every day I rode since he passed away. I've looked at it on days when I was not able to ride. I have a similar piece of tape on the right housing of my skates. His memory is there every day.
I assumed after a year passed, I would remove the remembrance and on. But a year passed not too long ago and I was not able to remove the tape. Just as I have not removed his hand writing from my whiteboard at work.
My 575 is sold and the new owner is on his way to our house right now. Everything is done but I can see my bike silhouetted in the garage door from my seat in our kitchen. I can see that small strip of tape wrapped around the seat tube. Despite all the work I have done on the bike, despite all the rides I have been on with my 575 and despite the fact it has been over a year since Anthony left, I just can not seem to do it.
All this with Anthony's sprite-ish sense of humor hanging over my shoulder with a Seinfeld line, "You should just do it like a band-aid. One motion. Right off!"
I had decided that the tape would stay on my skates. But it would stay on that pair of skates. I go through a pair every season or so but I save my old skates in the garage so that pair, that memory, will be with me for the rest of time. Not so with this bike. Most of my bikes will stay with me but my mountain bikes move on to new homes every year or so.
I'll miss the memories. They will not go away but they will fade, just as the memory for this particular bike will fade. And I suppose that this is the process for moving on.
I've cleaned her up, checked all the bolts, the wheels, lubed the chain and pulled my name stickers off the frame.
But then I got to my black tape.
As many of you may know or remember, when Anthony passed, I put his initials on a black piece of hockey tape around my seat tube. I've looked at it every day I rode since he passed away. I've looked at it on days when I was not able to ride. I have a similar piece of tape on the right housing of my skates. His memory is there every day.
I assumed after a year passed, I would remove the remembrance and on. But a year passed not too long ago and I was not able to remove the tape. Just as I have not removed his hand writing from my whiteboard at work.
My 575 is sold and the new owner is on his way to our house right now. Everything is done but I can see my bike silhouetted in the garage door from my seat in our kitchen. I can see that small strip of tape wrapped around the seat tube. Despite all the work I have done on the bike, despite all the rides I have been on with my 575 and despite the fact it has been over a year since Anthony left, I just can not seem to do it.
All this with Anthony's sprite-ish sense of humor hanging over my shoulder with a Seinfeld line, "You should just do it like a band-aid. One motion. Right off!"
I had decided that the tape would stay on my skates. But it would stay on that pair of skates. I go through a pair every season or so but I save my old skates in the garage so that pair, that memory, will be with me for the rest of time. Not so with this bike. Most of my bikes will stay with me but my mountain bikes move on to new homes every year or so.
I'll miss the memories. They will not go away but they will fade, just as the memory for this particular bike will fade. And I suppose that this is the process for moving on.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Tommy Cash - The In Crowd
Look this one up. A dear friend just sent this to me and it made me smile and cry at the same time. It's worth listening to.
It's five o'clock and one more working day is finally at an end
I hurry from my job and start my car light the traffic once again
And drivin' down the interstate my tension eases as the traffic fence
Now I lay my worries far behind and wonder what the in-crowd might be doin'
Farther down the road a pretty woman's waitin' with a drink for me
And there's a lotta woman there and pretty soon that's where I'm gonna be
I'm the only one that's missin' I'm the only one the in-crowd's waitin' for
As I drive around the back I leave my car and open up the door
And there stands the in-crowd and they're not a sin-crowd
There's a part of my life-crowd my kids-and-my-wife-crowd
She hands me my coffee and the kids gather round me
And it makes me so proud to be in with the in-crowd
Oh I love the in-crowd and they're not a sin-crowd
They're the light of my life-crowd my kids-and-my-wife-crowd
She hands me my coffee the kids gather round me
And it makes me so proud to be in with the in-crowd
It's five o'clock and one more working day is finally at an end
I hurry from my job and start my car light the traffic once again
And drivin' down the interstate my tension eases as the traffic fence
Now I lay my worries far behind and wonder what the in-crowd might be doin'
Farther down the road a pretty woman's waitin' with a drink for me
And there's a lotta woman there and pretty soon that's where I'm gonna be
I'm the only one that's missin' I'm the only one the in-crowd's waitin' for
As I drive around the back I leave my car and open up the door
And there stands the in-crowd and they're not a sin-crowd
There's a part of my life-crowd my kids-and-my-wife-crowd
She hands me my coffee and the kids gather round me
And it makes me so proud to be in with the in-crowd
Oh I love the in-crowd and they're not a sin-crowd
They're the light of my life-crowd my kids-and-my-wife-crowd
She hands me my coffee the kids gather round me
And it makes me so proud to be in with the in-crowd
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Lesson Plan 3 - Fear
Emiko, there is very little I fear in this world.
I don't want to get hit by a puck. I don't want to fall off my bike. I don't want to crash my car.
Am I afraid of those things? No. They are things I don't want to do because I don't want to deal with the consequences.
But I can tell you that I fear death.
Not in the way that I don't know what will happen to me afterward. Heaven or hell. Or nothing at all. That is not at all what scares me.
I fear death because I don't want to leave you or your Mom behind. I fear death because I don't know what I'll do without my parents. I fear death because I can not fathom ever having to let go of my child.
Emi, I don't know that I have an ultimate lesson for you in this message. But I do know that by talking about what I fear most, it will help allay those nagging fears. I know that by admitting my fears, I can rely on friends and family to help me overcome them. I know that by opening a discussion, it will help close the door to all that I am afraid of.
Your fears change shape over time. I remember being scared of the dark. I remember never wanting to go all the way to the cold room in the basement. I remember being scared of the back room in the old barn.
As you grow, you will overcome your individual fears. Life will present you with new gifts, new obstacles and new directions; you will have to find ways to overcome each new challenge and any fears that may be associated with it.
I'm here to tell you that you don't have to go it alone. Emi, don't ever be afraid to put a voice to your fears. Don't let them gnaw at your soul. Address them, work through them, find a way to conquer them.
Your friends, your family...we'll all be by your side to help you through these challenges. Come to us when you need the help. Ask us your questions. Tell us what scares you the most. Once you do, you'll find a way through it all.
I've been listening to a song by John Mayer lately. It's helping me put words to my fears.
"Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own
Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train
So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find away to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train"
Emi, every day I learn more. Every day I face new challenges. Every day I figure out how to push back my fears just a little more. And every day, I love you more than the last.
I love you.
Dad
I don't want to get hit by a puck. I don't want to fall off my bike. I don't want to crash my car.
Am I afraid of those things? No. They are things I don't want to do because I don't want to deal with the consequences.
But I can tell you that I fear death.
Not in the way that I don't know what will happen to me afterward. Heaven or hell. Or nothing at all. That is not at all what scares me.
I fear death because I don't want to leave you or your Mom behind. I fear death because I don't know what I'll do without my parents. I fear death because I can not fathom ever having to let go of my child.
Emi, I don't know that I have an ultimate lesson for you in this message. But I do know that by talking about what I fear most, it will help allay those nagging fears. I know that by admitting my fears, I can rely on friends and family to help me overcome them. I know that by opening a discussion, it will help close the door to all that I am afraid of.
Your fears change shape over time. I remember being scared of the dark. I remember never wanting to go all the way to the cold room in the basement. I remember being scared of the back room in the old barn.
As you grow, you will overcome your individual fears. Life will present you with new gifts, new obstacles and new directions; you will have to find ways to overcome each new challenge and any fears that may be associated with it.
I'm here to tell you that you don't have to go it alone. Emi, don't ever be afraid to put a voice to your fears. Don't let them gnaw at your soul. Address them, work through them, find a way to conquer them.
Your friends, your family...we'll all be by your side to help you through these challenges. Come to us when you need the help. Ask us your questions. Tell us what scares you the most. Once you do, you'll find a way through it all.
I've been listening to a song by John Mayer lately. It's helping me put words to my fears.
"Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own
Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train
So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find away to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train"
Emi, every day I learn more. Every day I face new challenges. Every day I figure out how to push back my fears just a little more. And every day, I love you more than the last.
I love you.
Dad
Friday, April 16, 2010
Happy Birthday
While this serves as a (bit belated posting) happy birthday to my wonderful wife, what really passes through my mind is a moment of appreciation.
I want to say thank you to her father and mother for bringing such a wonderful person into this world...my world. I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful partner in my life and attribute much of that to everything her parents gave her.
To Barb and Skip, a heartfelt thank you. I hope we can do as much for our daughter as you have done for yours.
I want to say thank you to her father and mother for bringing such a wonderful person into this world...my world. I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful partner in my life and attribute much of that to everything her parents gave her.
To Barb and Skip, a heartfelt thank you. I hope we can do as much for our daughter as you have done for yours.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
1st MTB Ride of 2010
It wasn't spectacular. It wasn't epic. It hurt (my ass...my lungs).
But it was fantastic!
I was with my good friend and co-worker, Phil. I had a grin on my face because it is 63 degrees out and it is supposed to snow tomorrow. It was warm and the trails were dry. The trails were easy and that allowed my thoughts to wander.
They wandered to the past season of hockey. I was thinking that I wouldn't think of Anthony as much (I think of him every time I step on the ice...more on that in a later post). Yet I realized he would always be there riding along. I see him in the shadows of riders. I see him in the pictures of the scenery, the plants and the animals that are framed in my mind. I'll continue to hear his subtle sense of humor.
I'll continue to miss my friend but at the same time, I'll continue to celebrate life.
But it was fantastic!
I was with my good friend and co-worker, Phil. I had a grin on my face because it is 63 degrees out and it is supposed to snow tomorrow. It was warm and the trails were dry. The trails were easy and that allowed my thoughts to wander.
They wandered to the past season of hockey. I was thinking that I wouldn't think of Anthony as much (I think of him every time I step on the ice...more on that in a later post). Yet I realized he would always be there riding along. I see him in the shadows of riders. I see him in the pictures of the scenery, the plants and the animals that are framed in my mind. I'll continue to hear his subtle sense of humor.
I'll continue to miss my friend but at the same time, I'll continue to celebrate life.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Something Special
I got to see something special tonight. I was honored to be selected to work playoffs for the AHA this year and worked the home series for Air Force against Army. The Black and Blue rivalry is strong, storied and may be one of the best in all of college hockey.
Tonight's game was tight, tough and hard hitting. And it was close right up to the very end. But despite Air Force coming out ahead, I only saw winners on the ice when the final horn went off. Despite the agony of defeat, I saw future comrades embracing, congratulating and consoling each other in the handshake line. I saw some of our best and brightest pass before me.
And at the end, when the home team typically salutes their fans at center ice, both teams stood around the circle. Both teams saluted the fans. Finally, both teams took their respective blue lines and stood stock still while both alma maters were played.
And that was the final piece that got me. Despite the rivalry, despite the athletic aggression that took place on the ice, they will soon be looking after each other. All of them will serve our country in the coming years. These young men truly will go to war together and will support each other regardless of the history that was made on the ice.
I was honored just to get to see both games and more honored to get to share the ice with these outstanding young men.
Tonight's game was tight, tough and hard hitting. And it was close right up to the very end. But despite Air Force coming out ahead, I only saw winners on the ice when the final horn went off. Despite the agony of defeat, I saw future comrades embracing, congratulating and consoling each other in the handshake line. I saw some of our best and brightest pass before me.
And at the end, when the home team typically salutes their fans at center ice, both teams stood around the circle. Both teams saluted the fans. Finally, both teams took their respective blue lines and stood stock still while both alma maters were played.
And that was the final piece that got me. Despite the rivalry, despite the athletic aggression that took place on the ice, they will soon be looking after each other. All of them will serve our country in the coming years. These young men truly will go to war together and will support each other regardless of the history that was made on the ice.
I was honored just to get to see both games and more honored to get to share the ice with these outstanding young men.
Welcome
My cousin and his wife have brought Mary Ida Ferreiro into this world on 3/10/2010. We welcome you and can't wait to meet you!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Driving toward home...
It's incredible what manages to drift through your mind when you are thinking clearly.
What a good night. I finished up my work week with Game 1 of a three game series for NCAA hockey playoffs tonight. After working a good game, hanging with friends for food and drinks post game, I climbed into my comfy (heated) seat and pointed the car north toward home.
And I turned the music on.
Tonight was just below freezing. Enough to warrant turning on a little heat and then cracking a window to get enough fresh air to stay sharp at 80 mph. To cap it off, I cranked the music and just let the iPod shuffle.
Somewhere during the drive, I began to hear music from my past. Old favorites. Songs that took me back to college. To times when there were few responsibilities. Few cares besides getting my home work done. No real bills to speak of. Music took me back to memories of life in the dorms, life in my Middlebury apartment. Riding my bike, playing hockey and constantly hanging out with my friends. To times when there were no cares in my world.
Somewhere in that mix of old music was a newer song. An artist Hope and I have recently discovered.
"Cause this life is a beautiful one
And though I've seen it comin' undone
I know most definitely
It's gonna be you and it's gonna be me"
And with this song and a return to my present place in life, I found myself grinning in the dashboard lights. A smile for this wonderful wife I am blessed with. Joy for this beautiful daughter who is writing an incredible new chapter for me to read each day. An appreciation for all the responsibilities that I now carry no matter how heavy.
I wouldn't trade any of it to go back. As much as those memories are fun, my current life trumps them all. I carry those burdens of work, bills and late night drives happily because they all melt away every time Hope welcomes me home with a kiss and every time Emiko looks at me and says Dada.
I love this life.
What a good night. I finished up my work week with Game 1 of a three game series for NCAA hockey playoffs tonight. After working a good game, hanging with friends for food and drinks post game, I climbed into my comfy (heated) seat and pointed the car north toward home.
And I turned the music on.
Tonight was just below freezing. Enough to warrant turning on a little heat and then cracking a window to get enough fresh air to stay sharp at 80 mph. To cap it off, I cranked the music and just let the iPod shuffle.
Somewhere during the drive, I began to hear music from my past. Old favorites. Songs that took me back to college. To times when there were few responsibilities. Few cares besides getting my home work done. No real bills to speak of. Music took me back to memories of life in the dorms, life in my Middlebury apartment. Riding my bike, playing hockey and constantly hanging out with my friends. To times when there were no cares in my world.
Somewhere in that mix of old music was a newer song. An artist Hope and I have recently discovered.
"Cause this life is a beautiful one
And though I've seen it comin' undone
I know most definitely
It's gonna be you and it's gonna be me"
And with this song and a return to my present place in life, I found myself grinning in the dashboard lights. A smile for this wonderful wife I am blessed with. Joy for this beautiful daughter who is writing an incredible new chapter for me to read each day. An appreciation for all the responsibilities that I now carry no matter how heavy.
I wouldn't trade any of it to go back. As much as those memories are fun, my current life trumps them all. I carry those burdens of work, bills and late night drives happily because they all melt away every time Hope welcomes me home with a kiss and every time Emiko looks at me and says Dada.
I love this life.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
In Memory of Brendan Burke
Tragedy comes, as always, as a surprise. Whenever someone's children predecease their parents, it creates the sense that something is completely askew in our world. It is out of the natural order, it is a fear that finds root in a parent's stomach, it is a reminder to hold dear every moment we have in this plane of existence.
Brendan was not unlike any other 21 year old. He was a senior at University of Miami in Ohio. He was involved not only in the culture at the school but he was also a student manager for the NCAA Div. 1 hockey team. Brendan was also the son of Brian Burke, the GM for the Toronto Maple Leafs and also the US Olympic hockey team.
But these are not the reason Brendan was on my radar. As tragic as his death is, I know him for his bravery.
In November, he announced to the world that he was gay. The amount of support that was generated within the hockey community on all levels was outstanding. Brendan had quit hockey in high school because he was uncomfortable in a homophobic locker room. But while at University of Miami, he found a home. Not only within the community of the school, but in the welcoming arms of the hockey team there. His coming out was supported not only by his family but by the Div. 1 team he helped manage.
As proud as I was for being selected to work a big game last Saturday night, I wish I could have attended the Av's game. They held a moment of silence for Brendan prior to the game and I would have been honored to have had a chance to stand and take part.
Brendan will be remembered for his courage. He started down a path that I am sure many more will follow. Hopefully, sometime in the near future, other players like Brendan will be remembered not for their sexual preference but for the save they just made, the goal they just scored or the penalty they just helped kill off.
Brendan's legacy will live on. His name, his coming out and, unfortunately, his death have inspired conversations with some of my friends in the hockey world. All good conversations, all in support of Brendan at all levels and all admiring his bravery.
Godspeed Brendan Burke. Godspeed.
Brendan was not unlike any other 21 year old. He was a senior at University of Miami in Ohio. He was involved not only in the culture at the school but he was also a student manager for the NCAA Div. 1 hockey team. Brendan was also the son of Brian Burke, the GM for the Toronto Maple Leafs and also the US Olympic hockey team.
But these are not the reason Brendan was on my radar. As tragic as his death is, I know him for his bravery.
In November, he announced to the world that he was gay. The amount of support that was generated within the hockey community on all levels was outstanding. Brendan had quit hockey in high school because he was uncomfortable in a homophobic locker room. But while at University of Miami, he found a home. Not only within the community of the school, but in the welcoming arms of the hockey team there. His coming out was supported not only by his family but by the Div. 1 team he helped manage.
As proud as I was for being selected to work a big game last Saturday night, I wish I could have attended the Av's game. They held a moment of silence for Brendan prior to the game and I would have been honored to have had a chance to stand and take part.
Brendan will be remembered for his courage. He started down a path that I am sure many more will follow. Hopefully, sometime in the near future, other players like Brendan will be remembered not for their sexual preference but for the save they just made, the goal they just scored or the penalty they just helped kill off.
Brendan's legacy will live on. His name, his coming out and, unfortunately, his death have inspired conversations with some of my friends in the hockey world. All good conversations, all in support of Brendan at all levels and all admiring his bravery.
Godspeed Brendan Burke. Godspeed.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Lesson Plan 2 - MLK Jr
Emiko, every year, my mother, your Noni, sat us down on MLK day, made us a cake for MLK's birthday, and we discussed what MLK meant to us.
My mother sent me the following email today.
Tomorrow is the celebration of Martin Luther King's birthday. Remember - ... they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character..."
I spent some time thinking her question before I responded.
Every day we are taking a step. Sometimes it is in the right direction, some days it isn't. For the most part, we are moving in the right direction.
Unfortunately, racism lives on, not only in our country but also in our world. And it is not only racism but discrimination too. Discrimination based on gender, skin color, income, sexual orientation, religion or political leaning.
I'd like to think that MLK would not want us to look back at him and his accomplishments. The civil rights movement he helped start was never about just him, he was not that selfish. I think he'd rather have us reflect on what WE have done and what WE need to do as individuals to move the civil rights movement forward.
It is a battle that is not yet over. Some day, the color of a person's skin will be irrelevant. Someones sexual orientation will some day have no bearing on their ability to profess their mutual love to the world. The religious right and the liberal left will eventually see that it isn't so much about beliefs as it is individuals core moral values that are shared by both sides.
We can all keep moving forward together under the inspirational memory of what MLK started. This great experiment of a nation we live in will ultimately be a leader in civil rights. We will remember MLK for his vision, his bravery and his guidance. His dream lives on in all of us.
I love you.
Dad
My mother sent me the following email today.
Tomorrow is the celebration of Martin Luther King's birthday. Remember - ... they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character..."
Have we gotten any closer to this?
mom
I spent some time thinking her question before I responded.
Every day we are taking a step. Sometimes it is in the right direction, some days it isn't. For the most part, we are moving in the right direction.
Unfortunately, racism lives on, not only in our country but also in our world. And it is not only racism but discrimination too. Discrimination based on gender, skin color, income, sexual orientation, religion or political leaning.
I'd like to think that MLK would not want us to look back at him and his accomplishments. The civil rights movement he helped start was never about just him, he was not that selfish. I think he'd rather have us reflect on what WE have done and what WE need to do as individuals to move the civil rights movement forward.
It is a battle that is not yet over. Some day, the color of a person's skin will be irrelevant. Someones sexual orientation will some day have no bearing on their ability to profess their mutual love to the world. The religious right and the liberal left will eventually see that it isn't so much about beliefs as it is individuals core moral values that are shared by both sides.
We can all keep moving forward together under the inspirational memory of what MLK started. This great experiment of a nation we live in will ultimately be a leader in civil rights. We will remember MLK for his vision, his bravery and his guidance. His dream lives on in all of us.
I love you.
Dad
Friday, January 15, 2010
Mountains
I am completely distracted. Thinking about a recent conversation and then my thoughts turned to Anthony for some reason. The conversation was about challenges and Anthony found a way to offer guidance.
As to the conversation of challenges, I have no answers. I can tell you that we were raised never to quit. I know that. It may be from our parents, it may be from our sports, it may be both.
Our parents instilled in us a certain character that said you don't give up on something just because it is hard. And you don't complain, you don't whine.
Sports gave us mountains to climb. Whether we were faced with the actual granite beneath our boots and under our fingertips or with the theoretical mountain of a season in front of us every year, we were trained not to turn back. If the hill got steep, we buckled down, took a breath and kept on climbing. If we fell behind in score, we didn't give up on that game. We would battle through the third period and claw our way back until that final buzzer.
And with all of this in my mind, I've been thinking of Anthony as well. I read today's XKCD.com comic and didn't get it. It's not the first time. Anthony and I used to puzzle over some of his previous drawings and the tenets of the humor or philosophy would often elude us, even after a Google search. And so I looked back at old favorites.
And then I turned to Anthony's website. I was looking for some sort of answer, or inspiration, or image. I read a few of his blog postings. And I found this.
The image said it all to me. Anthony walking the line. Visually and realistically, he's going there, he isn't coming here. That's what we all do, isn't it? We should constantly be going. We need to be looking out at the horizon because the moment we turn off the world, we will ultimately turn off our dreams. We can't give up on our dreams, our vision, because they are often comprise our will to live. We have to hang on to those things to truly live and find our rewards.
Ultimately, I turned to Anthony's "image a day" calendar from a few years back. And I picked the January 15th image. Because it was today...albeit two years ago. And I got a chill because Anthony was suddenly speaking to me about last night's conversation.
http://www.anthonysloan.com/2008/Jan15.html
In hockey, there are multiple perspectives. There are two teams, each holding a unique perspective. There is a third team of officials who are required to see everything even though that is impossible. There are fans who watch who interpret every play into a combination of millions of derivatives. And then there is a league who oversees it all and offers a final say when called upon. Or sometimes they don't. Silence is sometimes the best tool...the best approach.
But that is just a game.
In life, there is so much more. The perspectives are multiplied exponentially. The consequences are far greater...it isn't just a game. The outcome? The outcome is life.
Our training as officials is that there is more than one take to every play just as there is more than one story for each day, each hour, each minute of life. We see it through our eyes but we need to remember that there are different focal points. What is important to me may not be important to you. The only way to figure that out is to talk.
But that brings us back to how we were raised. To not complain. We lower our heads and will keep beating at that brick wall until it crumbles. That is what we are supposed to do.
But it isn't.
We need to remember that in life, we need to open up. Sometimes we need to address these challenges with words and not actions. Sometimes both. And sometimes those discussions will take place not between the two that have created the wall but with others who will help us break down that wall.
As I told my friend during our conversation, I don't want my wife to ever feel like she is a single mother. There are two of us raising this wonderful daughter of ours. We both work hard; at our jobs and at home. I am doing my best to make sure she feels supported in all she does so that we can face this veritable mountain of life together. Hand in hand. And together, we are going to win. We'll carry each other, we'll laugh, we'll cry. But in the end, we are going to get there together. We are going...always going.
Conversations like that aren't taken lightly. They aren't a burden but they always make me think. We learn from each other.
You and I, we are going to win too.
As to the conversation of challenges, I have no answers. I can tell you that we were raised never to quit. I know that. It may be from our parents, it may be from our sports, it may be both.
Our parents instilled in us a certain character that said you don't give up on something just because it is hard. And you don't complain, you don't whine.
Sports gave us mountains to climb. Whether we were faced with the actual granite beneath our boots and under our fingertips or with the theoretical mountain of a season in front of us every year, we were trained not to turn back. If the hill got steep, we buckled down, took a breath and kept on climbing. If we fell behind in score, we didn't give up on that game. We would battle through the third period and claw our way back until that final buzzer.
And with all of this in my mind, I've been thinking of Anthony as well. I read today's XKCD.com comic and didn't get it. It's not the first time. Anthony and I used to puzzle over some of his previous drawings and the tenets of the humor or philosophy would often elude us, even after a Google search. And so I looked back at old favorites.
And
And then I turned to Anthony's website. I was looking for some sort of answer, or inspiration, or image. I read a few of his blog postings. And I found this.
The image said it all to me. Anthony walking the line. Visually and realistically, he's going there, he isn't coming here. That's what we all do, isn't it? We should constantly be going. We need to be looking out at the horizon because the moment we turn off the world, we will ultimately turn off our dreams. We can't give up on our dreams, our vision, because they are often comprise our will to live. We have to hang on to those things to truly live and find our rewards.Ultimately, I turned to Anthony's "image a day" calendar from a few years back. And I picked the January 15th image. Because it was today...albeit two years ago. And I got a chill because Anthony was suddenly speaking to me about last night's conversation.
http://www.anthonysloan.com/
"One picture, three different focus points."
In hockey, there are multiple perspectives. There are two teams, each holding a unique perspective. There is a third team of officials who are required to see everything even though that is impossible. There are fans who watch who interpret every play into a combination of millions of derivatives. And then there is a league who oversees it all and offers a final say when called upon. Or sometimes they don't. Silence is sometimes the best tool...the best approach.
But that is just a game.
In life, there is so much more. The perspectives are multiplied exponentially. The consequences are far greater...it isn't just a game. The outcome? The outcome is life.
Our training as officials is that there is more than one take to every play just as there is more than one story for each day, each hour, each minute of life. We see it through our eyes but we need to remember that there are different focal points. What is important to me may not be important to you. The only way to figure that out is to talk.
But that brings us back to how we were raised. To not complain. We lower our heads and will keep beating at that brick wall until it crumbles. That is what we are supposed to do.
But it isn't.
We need to remember that in life, we need to open up. Sometimes we need to address these challenges with words and not actions. Sometimes both. And sometimes those discussions will take place not between the two that have created the wall but with others who will help us break down that wall.
As I told my friend during our conversation, I don't want my wife to ever feel like she is a single mother. There are two of us raising this wonderful daughter of ours. We both work hard; at our jobs and at home. I am doing my best to make sure she feels supported in all she does so that we can face this veritable mountain of life together. Hand in hand. And together, we are going to win. We'll carry each other, we'll laugh, we'll cry. But in the end, we are going to get there together. We are going...always going.
Conversations like that aren't taken lightly. They aren't a burden but they always make me think. We learn from each other.
You and I, we are going to win too.
Lesson Plan 1 - Experience and Response
Emiko, I had a chat with a friend last night that and I realized after we left the rink that this would have been the perfect closing comment. Too late at night, too late for me to call and give that quote.
"While we can't control all of our experiences, we can control our responses."
I'm not quite sure where the quote comes from but it can be applied to so many aspects of life. Personal, play or work.
I could go into a long soliloquy about where, when and how this is pertinent but I expect you are going to find me and talk to me about how you can apply this in life and how I have over the years. I'll know even more at that time than I do now (and I'll have forgotten plenty in between...that comes with age too).
And this serves as your first installment of my lessons to you. You can take it for whatever it is worth but I hope some day you will get a chance to read these posts and realize that your father really isn't a stodgy and stuffy old man (well, he may be at that point but he wasn't ALWAYS that way).
I love you.
Dad
"While we can't control all of our experiences, we can control our responses."
I'm not quite sure where the quote comes from but it can be applied to so many aspects of life. Personal, play or work.
I could go into a long soliloquy about where, when and how this is pertinent but I expect you are going to find me and talk to me about how you can apply this in life and how I have over the years. I'll know even more at that time than I do now (and I'll have forgotten plenty in between...that comes with age too).
And this serves as your first installment of my lessons to you. You can take it for whatever it is worth but I hope some day you will get a chance to read these posts and realize that your father really isn't a stodgy and stuffy old man (well, he may be at that point but he wasn't ALWAYS that way).
I love you.
Dad
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Gibson is a father too
We (Hope, Emiko, Cheryl, Molly and Gibson) all piled into the family car for a visit up to Stacy's to see Gibson's 4 week old puppies. It was an early start from the house in Golden for us but we were all excited to see Gibson's pups.
When we arrived, Emiko was rapidly surrounded by about five or six adult Berner's. She was shy at first but her excitement at seeing so many "pup pups" rapidly overcame her desire to be held in our arms. She began to run around in Stacy's kitchen, waiting for the dogs to come find her.
From there, we moved out to the porch to see the puppies. Emiko peered over the gating at the little dogs at first. Hope laid out a clean towel in the puppy nursery, sat down on the floor and sat Emi on her lap. When the first puppy came by, Hope gently picked it up and set it Emi's lap.
Emiko first started out by gently patting the puppy's back. And then she leaned over, rested her face against the puppy's back, and cuddled it long enough for several cameras to capture the moment. After that, it became excessively difficult to say no to picking up a new puppy for her to play with.
What a wonderful Saturday morning!
When we arrived, Emiko was rapidly surrounded by about five or six adult Berner's. She was shy at first but her excitement at seeing so many "pup pups" rapidly overcame her desire to be held in our arms. She began to run around in Stacy's kitchen, waiting for the dogs to come find her.
From there, we moved out to the porch to see the puppies. Emiko peered over the gating at the little dogs at first. Hope laid out a clean towel in the puppy nursery, sat down on the floor and sat Emi on her lap. When the first puppy came by, Hope gently picked it up and set it Emi's lap.
Emiko first started out by gently patting the puppy's back. And then she leaned over, rested her face against the puppy's back, and cuddled it long enough for several cameras to capture the moment. After that, it became excessively difficult to say no to picking up a new puppy for her to play with.
What a wonderful Saturday morning!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
I feel queasy
Oh Emi, your Dad was not squeamish in the past. Is it you who has brought this side out in him?
I'm not sure if it was the lack of food that left me feeling woozy. Or if it was my attempt to clean out Gibson's recently ruptured cyst while also attempting to keep Emi from poking at it in between cotton balls. It does not help that the cyst has gone from oozing blood and pus to me picking out dried pus balls from it.
Or if it was the nastiest poo to date that I had to clean off of Emi moments later.
But I think I threw up in my mouth a little. I had to sit down and catch a breath of fresh air!
My mother and father had an agreement. Dad took care of the blood and guts. Mom handled everything else. I may have to call my father into town....
And.
I think I'm hungry.
I'm not sure if it was the lack of food that left me feeling woozy. Or if it was my attempt to clean out Gibson's recently ruptured cyst while also attempting to keep Emi from poking at it in between cotton balls. It does not help that the cyst has gone from oozing blood and pus to me picking out dried pus balls from it.
Or if it was the nastiest poo to date that I had to clean off of Emi moments later.
But I think I threw up in my mouth a little. I had to sit down and catch a breath of fresh air!
My mother and father had an agreement. Dad took care of the blood and guts. Mom handled everything else. I may have to call my father into town....
And.
I think I'm hungry.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Ray Lamontagne - solo at Ellie Caulkins Opera Hall
This post was started 11/18/09...I only came back to it today.
Hope and I just returned from a lovely night out. We planned this moons ago, asked Molly to cover our house, dog (oh yeah, and baby) for the night while we spent the evening out listening to Ray sing. We even managed to acquire a chaperon just in case we got too wild!
Ray manages to get better and better every time we see him. In fact, I would prefer good live recordings of his concerts over his albums and day of the week. And he was so involved with the audience tonight; he brought us into his world.
This on top of the fact that his concerts always bring me back to a time when I was here in our house alone for a few weeks. Listening to his music. Writing a song of my own that would ultimately redefine my life the moment I finished the lyrics. So much of his music inspired my own. And as we drove home tonight, Hope pointed out how his music has been with us in every stage of our relationship here in Colorado. It is very comforting and very emotional all at the same time.
While I was enjoying his music, I also spent time thinking about my blog. Thinking about hockey. Thinking about my closest friends who mean the world to me.
I'm pondering a change in direction with the posts here on 1/2" Hollow. For quite some time, it has simply been a recorder for my random musings. And then it began to record the first steps I took as a father. Now, with Emi walking circles around me, I am contemplating how these random thoughts could become lessons for her, a chance for her to know who her father was before she was born and to see how I morphed into a parent from the guy who was lucky enough to convince her mother to marry him.
I spent time thinking about hockey. The beauty of the game. How it has come to mean so much to me and how I have been lucky enough to be blessed with many opportunities in this game.
My friends. Oh, my friends. Those with us and those who have passed on. Those who make our days so much easier, especially when we do not have family nearby to help out with our daughter. Near and far, I feel like I don't get to see my friends often enough. Other things in life limit my time and my travels. Something needs to be done about that....
Hope and I just returned from a lovely night out. We planned this moons ago, asked Molly to cover our house, dog (oh yeah, and baby) for the night while we spent the evening out listening to Ray sing. We even managed to acquire a chaperon just in case we got too wild!
Ray manages to get better and better every time we see him. In fact, I would prefer good live recordings of his concerts over his albums and day of the week. And he was so involved with the audience tonight; he brought us into his world.
This on top of the fact that his concerts always bring me back to a time when I was here in our house alone for a few weeks. Listening to his music. Writing a song of my own that would ultimately redefine my life the moment I finished the lyrics. So much of his music inspired my own. And as we drove home tonight, Hope pointed out how his music has been with us in every stage of our relationship here in Colorado. It is very comforting and very emotional all at the same time.
While I was enjoying his music, I also spent time thinking about my blog. Thinking about hockey. Thinking about my closest friends who mean the world to me.
I'm pondering a change in direction with the posts here on 1/2" Hollow. For quite some time, it has simply been a recorder for my random musings. And then it began to record the first steps I took as a father. Now, with Emi walking circles around me, I am contemplating how these random thoughts could become lessons for her, a chance for her to know who her father was before she was born and to see how I morphed into a parent from the guy who was lucky enough to convince her mother to marry him.
I spent time thinking about hockey. The beauty of the game. How it has come to mean so much to me and how I have been lucky enough to be blessed with many opportunities in this game.
My friends. Oh, my friends. Those with us and those who have passed on. Those who make our days so much easier, especially when we do not have family nearby to help out with our daughter. Near and far, I feel like I don't get to see my friends often enough. Other things in life limit my time and my travels. Something needs to be done about that....
Soda
It's officially been a year since I stopped ordering Cokes. In fact, with the exception of a little Moxie here and there, I haven't purchased a soda since 1/3/09. There have been a few sodas purchased for me over the year and I dutifully returned them to the gifters.
Now, did I notice a difference?
No. Not really.
But I feel good. I feel good because I know I can simply walk away from something that, while it tasted so good when it hits your lips, isn't necessary in my diet.
Now, did I notice a difference?
No. Not really.
But I feel good. I feel good because I know I can simply walk away from something that, while it tasted so good when it hits your lips, isn't necessary in my diet.
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