Secret Garden

I've been searching, off and on, for years for this particular video. The original video without all the Jerry Maguire mumbo jumbo interspersed. I have a vague memory of discovering this song years ago when I was living alone in Arvada.

Anyway, Hope, for you:

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Guns

Growing up, our parents were fairly reticent when it came to letting us play with toy guns. The upside/downside of being born to hippie parents (Mom resembles this comment...Dad probably resents it). We were allowed squirt guns and a handful of cap guns and I have a memory of Dad cutting a toy gun out of a piece of wood with a jig saw but that was pretty much it. BB guns were out of the question. I bought a slingshot that was confiscated on parental grounds. Anything that looked real was out of the question.

Fast forward to high school...

I started dating Hope our junior year. There is a story I like to tell about our first official date.

I arrived at her house in my silver diesel Rabbit. I knocked on the door to the mud room and heard Skip bellow out, "C'mon in." His voice dwarfed the noise made by what sounded like a very vicious and angry dog. I opened the door and stepped into the mudroom and then knocked on the next door which led to a small passageway between the kitchen and the living room. Again came a bellow, "C'mon in." This, again, over the noise of what sounded to be a dog well past the foaming at the mouth stage.

I cracked the door and was met first by an Aussie Shepherd with teeth bared. He did not like me. He never liked me.... After I assessed his posture and decided it was only a 50/50 chance he wouldn't bite me, I stepped past and was met with the sight of the entire Winslow family sitting in the living room watching a black and white cowboys and Indians movie. I did not have time to ascertain whether it was the movie that was black and white or the television as the entire family had a veritable arsenal in their hands. And they were dry firing at the tv.

I was now in fight or flight mode. These were the people my parents had warned me about. These were the things I was not supposed to do. The first thought that passed through my mind was whether or not I could make it back out to the Rabbit, light up the glow plugs, fire up the engine and be well down the road before one of said guns was loaded and trained on me. Keep in mind that a diesel Rabbit posted a 0-60 acceleration time of  something like 18 seconds. With a tailwind. Down a hill. A very steep, steep hill that more resembles a cliff. With a bobsled crew pushing from the back.

I decided that I likely would not survive past warming up the glow plugs. Which, yes, means I decided to fight.

Skip was sitting in an arm chair across the room. Hope and Barb bookended Sam and Steve on a crowded couch. Skip boomed out, "Make room on the couch for Seth, boys." The two boys pushed further toward their mother leaving me a sliver to sit between them and Hope. I stepped into the living room while dragging a dog that had latched itself on to my Achilles tendon.

I sank into the sofa next to Hope. The dog moved from my flank to directly in front of me. Ears back. Eyes on only me. Growling. Skip looked over and announced, "We are shooting the bad guys." He then leaned back and lifted a leg, a' la someone about to fart, reached under the seat cushion and pulled out a beautiful silver plated, pearl handled revolver. He checked it. Spun it in his hand like a cowboy so the handle faced me and asked, "Do you know how to make sure it is safe?"

I shook my head no.

Skip proceeded to show me how to clear each chamber, handed to me, watched me as I cleared the weapon and, satisfied, said, "Now shoot the bad guys!".

I aimed somewhere in the vicinity of the television, cocked the hammer, closed my eyes and slowly squeezed the trigger, fully expecting a massive explosion, a rapid retreat to my car, the search for enough spare change to somehow pay for a tv that just exploded because of something I screwed up.

"Click"

I opened my eyes. The television was still in one piece. Everyone else was merrily firing away at the tv. No one had noticed the hippie child on the couch afraid of dry firing a gun. I had not wet my pants in public. The dog was still staring at me with burning eyes. I had passed my first test.

Oh the ways in which I am going to screw with Emiko's first date....

To my wife

I read this post from Momastery and immediately thought of you. I was reminded of our commitment to each other, my love for you and of the wonderful friendship we have developed and maintained over all these years.

There is a song by Bebo Norman, called "Borrow Mine." It is a song he wrote about a conversation heard between two friends; one, who was going through deep personal troubles, told the other, "I just don't know if I have faith anymore." The other friend replied by saying, "Then, you can borrow mine. I'll have enough faith for both of us."

I love you.

Happy Birthday

While this serves as a (bit belated posting) happy birthday to my wonderful wife, what really passes through my mind is a moment of appreciation.

I want to say thank you to her father and mother for bringing such a wonderful person into this world...my world. I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful partner in my life and attribute much of that to everything her parents gave her.

To Barb and Skip, a heartfelt thank you. I hope we can do as much for our daughter as you have done for yours.

It's the little things....

My lovely and oh-so-generous wife mentioned this to me in passing. I had a slight understanding of the enormity of what she was about to do but...it's these little things the she does in life that go so far for so many other people.

Follow the two links and you will understand.

http://sites.google.com/site/milkforsophia/home

http://sites.google.com/site/milkforsophia/our-progress

Satisfaction

This ain't no Rolling Stones tune.

This ain't no disco tune either.
This is CO!

Hope and I have struggled for several months trying to figure out what we wanted to do about getting a new car. As hockey season drew to a close, the need for two Gibson and Emi vehicles lessened and I became prepared to drive the Saturn for the coming summer. My desire for a new car waned as I began to enjoy the idea of having a summer without extra car payments.

However, some of our best friends decided they wanted to sell their XC70 (these are the same best friends who sold us our current XC70 3 years ago...almost to the day!) and as we have had such good luck with our wagon, it piqued our interest. We began to talk to them about another purchase and then we were struck with the challenges Hope was facing at school. Our friends were kind enough to be patient while we sorted out Hope's future at Foothills (never fear, all is well) and today, they dropped off our "new" car.

Hope wasn't originally sold on getting another XC70. She was actually semi-interested in getting a different car. Until she drove it. As we headed home from the bank, she pulled up along side me, rolled down the window and shouted that her new car was nothing like our old car. She was far more comfortable and she even felt her visibility out of the car had improved as well.

Me? I won't argue with her, I'm just satisfied. Hope has grown up driving her father's shit boxes. Skip's cars were affordable, unreliable and often unsafe. They would leave you stranded at the most inconvenient times and I have heard stories about exhaust leaks that required the windows down in the dead of winter. Even the Saturn was a big step for her 6 years ago. I am now satisfied knowing she (and Emi) are riding in a safe and reliable vehicle. Expensive, yes but that satisfaction is well worth the price. I drove home from the bank with a smile on my face knowing we had made the right decision.

A Weekend Off

I've been contemplating the upcoming weekend for quite some time. I have a weekend off from parenting. A long weekend, too!

I'm already scheduled to work two Central League games. I'm already planning a ski day at Loveland. And I'm already planning to get some sleep.

At the same time, it is hard to imagine going three days/nights without Emiko in the house. She has become such a fixture and a joy that having her gone is almost depressing. But Emi is traveling with Hope to visit the only surviving great-grandmother. I'm actually a bit jealous that I don't get to go with them.

Leaving Home

It can be one of the hardest things to do at night.

Tonight, I was headed to work the Army v Air Force game. It is an honor to get this game because there is a huge rivalry between these two schools. I've been looking forward to this for months. I was also getting to work with an incredible crew...all guys I look up to as top notch officials.

As I headed south on C-470, I called Hope to get an update on how she was feeling and how Emi was doing. I could hear Emi talking in the background. Hope put her phone on speaker so I could say hi to Emi and listen to her coo. She was smiling as we chatted and I was loving every minute of it and wishing I was at home to see Emi face to face.

All the joy in this conversation was tempered by the fact that my phone was getting low on power. Hope pointed out that I should hang up so I'd have a little juice in case I needed my phone after the game.

I spent the rest of the drive smiling and thinking about Emi talking to me on the phone. I'm looking forward to the day that she is riding with me to watch me work and when I get to drive her to watch her play. I can't wait to hear the stories she is going to tell.

The Weekend Ahead

I got in my fun last night. I watched the first period of the Blackhawks v Avs game with Sally last night. Headed out to ref a game (that took way too long). Got home and stayed up until somewhere in the vicinity of one-ish prepping Gibson's next week and a half of food.

Why, you may ask?

Well, the weekend starts early this afternoon when Hope heads off to her Master's Class and leaves Emiko with me.

I find it to be so difficult to get anything done when we hang out alone together. I just want to play with her toys or watch her discover something new and exciting.

Which means we get nothing done all weekend long.

But we get to smile, laugh, feed on bottles and change diapers together. I could wish for nothing more! I am hoping the weather holds out enough that I can sneak her outside for a hike along with Gibson. If I can pull that off and she is happy, then I am happy!

Plus I need to help Hope finish up a paper by proofing it and seeing if there anything else she needs to add.

All good stuff. What a weekend ahead!

At home again

We arrived home on Saturday and have settled into our routines again.

With one exception.

I have not put the stripes on once since I got home. Tonight is the first night I will actually work a game. But I have turned down opportunities to go and skate in order to stay at home and help Hope as she prepares for her Master's Class this weekend.

And I've noticed something.

I really like being at home. I get to give Emi a bath. I get to hang out with Hope and talk. We get to eat together (well, eating together is more a "together" since one of us is usually on Emi duty during dinner). I get little things done around the house.

We get to be a family.

This makes me happy.

Thanks Ma!

Last night was the season opener for the Avalanche. Hope and I were able to head to the game with Robbie and Kevin. While they didn't beat the Bruins last night, it was still one heck of a game. Good to see them skating again.

Emi?

She stayed home with my Mom and they had fun too.

We are very lucky.

She makes me so proud

She handled a sudden and quick labor with aplomb...she drove to get me at the rink when her efforts to dry her cell phone were unsuccessful. She labored with no complaint, she never said that she couldn't do it, she just did what she needed to do and got herself through it. She has picked up nursing Emiko like she has been doing it every day of her life, like it just comes to her naturally. She handles dinner tonight with our friend Molly like it was just another evening in, forget about having given birth only 3 days prior. She walks about our home in an unfamiliar body with a grace, beauty and poise becoming of someone whose pregnancy was assisted by personal trainers, personal chefs and personal assistants, not of someone who recently gave birth, nursed, helped clean up the kitchen and changed a diaper.

I am so proud of her, the love of my life. I am constantly amazed, the love of my life. I am so in love with the love of my life.

Getting ready for the kiddo

I had an intersting talk with Hope this morning. Her back was really bothering her and the third time the pain washed over her, she realized she was having a contraction in her back. Four in an hour (we are looking for five). We exchanged a few excited phone calls and text messages and then everything subsided.

But what a wave of excitement. I was trembling, there were tears brimming and I had a hard time putting words together without choking up. So excited, so happy and oh so scared.

We need to pack a bag tonight....

You've Got a Friend

We were gifted tickets to the James Taylor concert at Red Rocks on Thursday night (thanks Cheryl!). Hope had to climb I don't know how many steps to our seats and I was very impressed and proud of how well she did. This is no small feat as the stairs are steep and they never seem to stop. This may also be the first concert we have attended together at Red Rocks. While we waited for the act to take the stage, we walked through the concerts we have attended together since she moved to Colorado and we could not come up with a single show we had come to Red Rocks for. She has been with friends and I had purchased tickets for us to see Nora Jones and then promptly headed to Florida to cut wood.

JT played many of the covers from his most recent album as well as his most famous tunes. Two huge sets and they were fantastic. But the song that really touched me was "You've Got a Friend." Before he started the song he spent some time talking about Carol King and how he was so excited to get to play the tune. But it was the song that got to me. I began thinking of all the wonderful friends I have. My best friend sitting next to me. The friends from childhood who still are there. My friends from school...junior, high and college. The newest friends I have found out here in Colorado and spread across the country and world. Friends who volunteer to babysit for our unborn child. And finally, my friends who are no longer with us. All so incredibly special and all friends who will last a lifetime.

Where would any of us be without these friends? They will all be our extended family, our supports, our comedians and our sounding-boards. The best I can say is thank you and I love you all.

The best laid plans...

A little Burns for you this evening.

We had so much planned out for today. I was to go riding in Nederland after work. Hope was headed to her pre-natal aerobics class after a day of relaxing.

I had a busy day at work. Couple this with watching a grass fire erupt from a lightening strike on Green Mountain this afternoon and I was left feeling too small to fix a flat tire and drive the sixty minutes to Ned.

But compound this with the fact that Hope was called in for jury duty today. Ignore the fact that she is 8.5 months pregnant and needing to pee every 45 minutes. What happens? She is the first choice for both the prosecution and defense teams on what is guaranteed to be at least a 3 day criminal trial. Needless to say, she had a long and emotionally trying day listening to the opening arguments and the victim's testimony.

By the time she got out, she drove the 3 minutes from the court to Yeti's office and took some time to unwind. We decided that Ned and the gym were not in the cards for us this evening. We headed off to fill up our tank's tank and talked about heading down to Denver for a nice Indian meal since we had not planned a dinner at home tonight. As I watched the dollars float by on the pump, I came to the conclusion that driving to Denver simply to eat out was not the best use of our fuel budget or gasoline in general (wow...I'm starting to go ever greener).

We headed to a local restaurant (yes Jeff...Malone's) and enjoyed a nice dinner together. We discussed our plans for the next three days and how Hope sitting in a juror's box would change all that we had laid out. Gone was the opportunity to ride my bike to work tomorrow. Gone was Hope's chance to seal the grout in our upstairs bathroom. Gone was Ned. Gone was the gym. But not all was negative. We had the chance to spend some quality time together on a night when we didn't plan on seeing each other until our heads hit our pillows.

We were home while it was still light out. I set up an area for Hope to work on her computer in our driveway and I collected my tools to finish painting the trim for the upstairs window. It was so warm that my coats were almost dry by the time I finished painting so I climbed my ladder and hung the trim around our upstairs bathroom window (yeah...cross another one off the honey-do list...five months later). Hope worked on a poetry paper and read some wonderful pieces that she had written over the years. Together, we reflected on her words, her images and the songs of her soul while we collected our tools and retired to our house.

I don't so much mind when my plans are ruined for a night spent together. I'd be happy if the rest of my life was spent breaking such plans just to spend a few more minutes together like tonight. Sometimes the best laid plans aren't necessarily the best ones after all.

A night in...

Did some yard work together.

Cooked dinner together.

Cleaned the kitchen together.

Watched Fantasia together.

Felt the baby dance to the music together.

What a wonderful night.

What more could I ask for?

Things not to do to your pregger wife

My friends, I apologize. I've been remiss in spending any time updating this blog as of late. I have, instead, been busy riding my bike, skating whenever I can, signing up to volunteer with the Democratic National Convention and generally pissing off the pregger wife. Yup. That's the biggie...pissing her off.

I'm not quite sure how this one came about. Being the prankster I am, I'm sure the niggling desire to continue my merry ways overcame all sane and better judgment.

My friend, Anthony, the one who takes the fantastic biking pics (amongst other things), decided that his Xterra was not returning the best fuel economy for everyday driving. He settled on a Mazda Miata which I duly pointed out is a woman's car (note to female friends...this does not mean that only women should drive the Miata. I am merely suggesting that some cars seem to be marketed more to women than to men. Hell, I think the Volvo is a women's car but I still like it. Alright...flame away!). Not this one. This is a full on race car. It has been turbo'd. It has a race suspension (it literally corners like it is on rails). Race tires. Race wheels. Race tranny. It will kill a Corvette C5 off the line. AND. It gets over 30 mpg as a daily driver. Pretty cool!

On the first day, Anthony took me for a spin. Going into the first corner at around 60 mph, I reached up to grab the A-pillar to brace myself. It wasn't necessary. The Miata zipped around the corner and accelerated into the next. When we stopped to turn around, Anthony climbed out and let me drive back. It was too fast. I found myself backing off the gas simply because we were going way too fast on a quiet little frontage road here in Golden. Good fun!

That night, I told Hope I got to drive a race car. She asked why and I...this is where that merry prankster kicks in...said I was looking at it. She asked why I was looking at cars without her and how I could afford it. I said I traded a Cannondale for it. She said, "oh, your old frame". I stumbled here. I told her it would be the tandem (oh boy). Response: "WHAT? You are going to get rid of OUR tandem? I love that bike". I responded calmly that we are not using that bike right now, won't be using it any time in the near future and that when we are ready, we can always get a newer, better model. This, needless to say, went over poorly.

The next day, Anthony needed to drop the work truck off for some maintenance. He let me follow him over in his new race car (see, I just can't say I was driving a Miata). So I took a cell phone pic of me driving with the top down and sent it to her at the next stop. She wasn't pleased. She asked where Gibson sat when I was driving this car. I took a cell phone pic of Gibson looking handsome and stately in the passenger seat of said Miata (see, Gibson doesn't have these hangups about Miatas...). Her response: cute pic but get rid of the car.

Then brother Jeff called. Asked why I was pissing off the crazy pregger lady. I told him to vocally ream me out while I explained the story to him on the phone. His conclusion? I'm an idiot.

I allowed this to play on for several days. I was even considering picking Hope up at the airport in my friend's race car. But I had to back it off eventually. The charade had gone along too far and I could sense the frustration building. I let it slide in a later conversation that I hadn't traded for the car. That I was just being my foolish and prankish self.

Hope returned to Colorado quite pleased. And as soon as she got back, I went and looked at a new Jetta TDI. It starts again....

She makes me so proud

She has a great deal of responsibility at her school, more than I want to go into right now. She is in the process of completing a Master's program. She finds time to talk to and take care of our friends. She puts up with and takes care of me and Gibson. She found time to train for the Boulder Bolder. She completed said race, the largest 10k in the US in 2 hours flat. She carries our child every day.

She makes me so proud!