Lesson Plan 3 - Fear

Emiko, there is very little I fear in this world.

I don't want to get hit by a puck. I don't want to fall off my bike. I don't want to crash my car.

Am I afraid of those things? No. They are things I don't want to do because I don't want to deal with the consequences.

But I can tell you that I fear death.

Not in the way that I don't know what will happen to me afterward. Heaven or hell. Or nothing at all. That is not at all what scares me.

I fear death because I don't want to leave you or your Mom behind. I fear death because I don't know what I'll do without my parents. I fear death because I can not fathom ever having to let go of my child.

Emi, I don't know that I have an ultimate lesson for you in this message. But I do know that by talking about what I fear most, it will help allay those nagging fears. I know that by admitting my fears, I can rely on friends and family to help me overcome them. I know that by opening a discussion, it will help close the door to all that I am afraid of.

Your fears change shape over time. I remember being scared of the dark. I remember never wanting to go all the way to the cold room in the basement. I remember being scared of the back room in the old barn.

As you grow, you will overcome your individual fears. Life will present you with new gifts, new obstacles and new directions; you will have to find ways to overcome each new challenge and any fears that may be associated with it.

I'm here to tell you that you don't have to go it alone. Emi, don't ever be afraid to put a voice to your fears. Don't let them gnaw at your soul. Address them, work through them, find a way to conquer them.

Your friends, your family...we'll all be by your side to help you through these challenges. Come to us when you need the help. Ask us your questions. Tell us what scares you the most. Once you do, you'll find a way through it all.

I've been listening to a song by John Mayer lately. It's helping me put words to my fears.

"Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find away to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train"

Emi, every day I learn more. Every day I face new challenges. Every day I figure out how to push back my fears just a little more. And every day, I love you more than the last.

I love you.

Dad

Connections

Business and pleasure.

Coworkers and friends.

Life.

It all becomes intertwined. The line of business associate and friend gets blurred over time. People I talk to on the phone are not strangers or disembodied voices, we talk bikes, we share stories about our families and we discuss life in general.

These connections, no matter how tenuous, become so important and so routine. On Tuesdays, I call Bob every morning. I generally expect to see Fred a couple times a week in our front office.

There are two stories today...

...

My morning to call to my best shop in New Hampshire and possibly our best shop on the east coast resulted in me listening to a broadcast message about a family emergency. When I got through to the owner, I found out he had lost his brother.

I was at a loss for words. So I tried to get him to talk about his brother, what he did, where he grew up. Simple math puts his brother in his mid-40's. The death was unexpected. But we shared a few chuckles and did our best to forget about work for those few moments.

My heart is with you, my friend. And I reflect a bit on the fact that as I continue to grow older, it will ultimately be my friends and family I will have to say goodbye to.

"Don't stop this train..."

...

I was reminded that there was a brief moment in time when I thought about joining the military. I had just read this article about the son of the buyer at our best US dealer. His father did not sleep for days after reading the story.

As graduation from college grew close, I didn't know what I was going to do with my life and I was looking for career opportunities. I was interested in EMT and Paramedic fields but was worried they would get boring over time. As I continued to look for potential jobs, I considered the military and found a group in the Air Force whose motto was, "That others may live." That drew me in and as I began to see the training they went through, I thought if there was one part of the military branch I could go into, that would be it.

Seems like a long time ago....