Father's Day

Seth - you are the most perfect father for our sweet Emi. I am so lucky to have you as my partner in parenthood. And in life. Happy first Father's Day. We love you so much!

Picnic with the family

We've had a run of brutal weather here in Colorado. Between the daily thunderstorms that roll in, there have been far too many overcast days. The thunderstorms have produced some vicious weather. Thunder loud enough to set off car alarms is the least of our concerns. The regular tornado warnings have far more serious implications. Before, most funnel clouds have waited to touch down until well east of Denver. We have now had funnel clouds and tornadoes around Denver in Aurora and Westminster. The hail storms have ruined cars, roofs and landscaping.

For us, we just sit back and watch. The new roof on our house protects us. The cars are garaged. Landscaping? At our house? Ha!

Today dawned with a beautiful blue sky and the gorgeous weather continued through lunch. Instead of going for a bike ride, I opted to meet Hope and Emiko at Foothills Academy and enjoy a little picnic with them. Gibson joined us on the lawn and the four of us reveled for an hour in the shade of a tree. Emi played with her snacks, Hope and I munched on some food and Gibson watched over us contentedly.

Life, for that hour, was perfect.

Welcome Adele

We want to welcome Adele Grassi Redmond to our wonderful world. She was born June 6 and came into this world at 9 pounds and 2 ounces...21.5 inches long. We can't wait to meet you in person in July. Even if your Dad and I can't go hang out at the new coffee shop in town.

Welcome Yaro Dean Veitch

Born 5/15/09 at 7 pounds and 10 ounces to Robbie, Kelly, big brother Shaw and the big dog Talisker. You have an incredible family, all of whom we love so much. We welcome you to this world and can't wait to meet you in person!

My Mom, the fighter

To my knowledge, my mother has never watched Braveheart.

She abhors violence. Anti war. Anti guns. She does not even like fights in hockey. For her, there are so many better ways to solve problems without resorting to violence.

But she is still a fighter.

Why is this even relevant? About nine years back, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Which she fought off. She had a lot of help but in the end, I attribute her success to her willingness to meet the cancer head on and fight it off in mind, body and spirit.

She fought cancer off with the help of good doctors. With the help of good friends. With the help of our extended family. With the help of good drugs. But what I remember most was her reliance on the soundtrack from Braveheart. She listened to it constantly as she prepared for her personal battle.

Yet it still boggles my mind that she can't bear to watch the movie. Her fighting spirit does not want to see the violence depicted in that movie. As much as this confuses me, I understand and respect that.

Braveheart's soundtrack became her personal musical accompaniment. It traveled with her as she endured radiation and chemotherapy. It kept her strong, so strong that she would don her bandanna and head to the office for a day's work. I think her connection with that music was so strong that she does not need to see the battles in the movie since she faced the same in real life. The fiction, the history and the legend in the movie metamorphosed into her own story.

That's my Mom...she'd have made a good frontierswoman. She'd probably have carried all three of us on her back across the country while preparing meals, taking care of the oxen and giving directions to Dad. And she'd have made it look easy!

Unfortunately, to all of our surprise, she is dusting off her soundtrack. What started as some fears about a neurological issue rapidly progressed last Monday into a full blown cancer treatment. She had her first radiation treatment on Thursday. True to form, she went to work on Friday.

Where does this leave me? Confused and scared. It has clearly been a tough few weeks. I'm grateful that Jeff is home with our parents. I'm happy that I have such a strong support system here in Colorado when I am so far from home and parents.

And I'm so happy to know my mother is such a fighter. Here we go again, Ma. We are all on your side in this fight.

Soda

A Mexican Coke was presented to me this morning. Oh the beauty of natural cane sugar in a carbonated beverage. After careful deliberation, I returned my gift to the gifter, thanked him and went about my way. It's been quite some time...6 months since my last Coke. Do I feel different? No. Have I lost weight? No.

But I'm not contemplating giving up high fructose corn syrup. Still not sure why but it doesn't seem like a bad idea.

Spirits

I worked with my big brother last night. We shared some laughs, some frustrations and shared of our spirits after the games were over. As we talked, Butch asked an interesting question.

"Do you still see him?"

I was not quite sure what he meant initially. Was I having nightmares? Was there a vision burned into my memory? But a few seconds later, I got it. Was Anthony visiting me. I realized I have seen Anthony recently. Or...not so much seen him as heard him.

I have never been particularly religious and I generally don't give a great deal of thought to the afterlife but I have always considered myself at least mildly spiritual. And that is exactly what my previous post was about...though I didn't realize it at the time.

Anthony has been at my side twice now. Joking with me. Singing to me. Laughing and smiling. Letting me know that all is well. He is opening my eyes to my own humanity and spirituality. And there is no way I can thank him enough for that.

I owe Butch, too. He has been my guide through all of this, helping me to understand the communication that is coming to me.

And this reminds me of how blessed and lucky I have been in the past. My Grandfather, years after he passed away, came to visit me and Hope in a dream one night. This dream is from 2 years ago but it is still vivid in my memory. He sat in our kitchen, patiently waiting to head out for lunch somewhere in town, as if no time had passed since I was a child. He was there to say hi, to check in on me. And I know he'll visit again to check in on little Emiko.

Anthony, I'm learning. I'm learning that you can still talk to all of us. We simply need to open our ears and listen. Godspeed and ride on!

A song, a voice and a chuckle

The healing process continues as the days pass by. Things cotinue their inevitable roll forward as each day progresses.

On Friday last week, we gathered in Evergreen to celebrate Anthony's life. I had a collection of his bikes on my roof as I drove up and I heard them singing to me. The sunroof was open and their were whistles and hums coming from various bikes as I cruised up the hill. For a moment, it felt like my friend was there to reassure me that all was ok.

Today, I took what remained of Anthony's shirts to Goodwill. As I handed the collection to the employee, I heard Anthony chuckle and ask if I "was taking him out with the trash." Just a moment of his wry humor but it was enough to elicit a smile on my behalf. He would want nothing more than to give of himself during these final moments. While it was difficult to say goodbye to his familiar things, it felt good knowing they were going to help others.

Just as Anthony would....

Welcome Alexa

Welcome to a beautiful world Alexa. You are blessed with incredible parents and an older brother that will love and look after you. We are all looking forward to meeting you face to face.

Seth, Hope, Emiko and Gibson

Godspeed Anthony Sloan

There are far too many stories to tell about this incredible human being. Anthony Sloan's incredible wanderlust, joie de vivre, quest for epic rides, ability to take the perfect shot through the camera lens and the ability to touch the hearts of every one he came in contact with will be missed. Anthony was truly the man who, whilst he wandered, was never at all lost.

Anthony's photos and journals touched the hearts of many whom had never met him. Many friends and family members of mine had followed his travels from afar and were awestruck with his passion, the spell of beauty he could cast and his whole hearted love for all around him.

Anthony was both the subject of many a prank and also assisted as the merry prankster as well. When we were building his Road Project many years ago, we took several photos of his bike coming together as he appreciated the art of assembly and welding. One set of pictures showed up with his new frame having wooden twigs for seatstays instead of the alloy we traditionally use. He was also an accomplice of mine in a prank I pulled on wife during her pregnancy. Hope and I had been discussing a new car and while she was off in Maine visiting family, I took several pictures of myself and of Gibson riding in Anthony's Miata. Hope was convinced her bungling husband had gone and made a huge mistake and Anthony helped me perpetuate that myth (well, part myth) by agreeing to let me take the little car to the airport to pick her up. I finally had to fess up before her return as I feared she may stay in Maine for the rest of her pregnancy and have a little Maine baby instead of a Colorado native.

Anthony's sense of humor brought him to XKCD and I was lucky that he shared the comic strip with me.

Anthony was lucky enough to have a job that helped preserve his wandering spirit. His demo schedule allowed him to range throughout the western half of the US. His photos from the road of the vistas, of the rides and of Grendel allowed us to participate in his travels even if only from the front of computer screen here in Colorado. His "A Picture a Day, 2008" was an exercise in photojournalism that inspired me to visit his site every morning during 2008 hoping for a new picture. And when he fell behind in posting photos, he would get a daily call from me prodding for new photos until his site was updated.

Anthony and I often enjoyed a breakfast burrito from the Bonfire trailer in Golden, though not often enough. We would frequently exchange phone calls or text messages to see who was going to pick up our morning meal though, with few exceptions, invariably it would be Anthony who was running early and had the time to swing by the little yellow trailer.

And that's the thing. Anthony was always on time, he had never missed an appointment and he maintained a meticulous schedule. Thursday was the first time I had ever known him to be late for a demo or for anything at all. It was so unlike him that all of us here in the office feared that he had gone off on a morning ride, hurt himself and was slowly working his way out of the wilderness.

My adopted older brother, my mentor and one of my closest friends is full-blooded Sioux and very spiritual. Butch gave me these words of comfort: There is a reason I was the one chosen to find Anthony on Thursday. That reason may not reveal itself immediately, it may take some time. I am allowed to get angry, to be upset with this decision but I will ultimately be shown why it was me.

I went down to Anthony's house in Golden to check and see if he was around. The demo rig and trailer were parked on his street and I could hear Grendel inside. Anthony never went anywhere without Grendel and I was surprised that the dog would be home by himself. I called Anthony's roommate, followed his directions to the spare key and stepped inside. The following space of time felt like an eternity but every step in my memory is vivid and calm.

The most important thing is that Anthony had friends with him from there on out. Dave, his roommate arrived, Joe was there and Hoog and Chris showed up too. In the end, we may have been there more for support of each other but I think Anthony would have been comforted knowing that it was his friends and not strangers that were there looking after him in those final moments.

Despite my beliefs, I took comfort in knowing Anthony was off riding endless single track somewhere. And to Butch's words as I reflect on everything over the past few days, I may have started down the path to understanding. My mother's reaction to Butch's comments was that I would find the right words to say to his family during their time of grief. And that has always been my struggle. I have never addressed or dealt with death well. As friends have passed away, I have often written letters to their family which were never sent. I never felt that my words were right.

But after the most difficult conversation I have ever had, a call to Anthony's mother to share in her grief, I have realized that it isn't the words that matter. It is simply the presence of being there.

To my friend's whose letters were never sent, I apologize for not being there for you and I want you to know that despite my lack of words or my presence, I WAS mourning from a distance. I simply lacked the fortitude to make my presence known.

To Anthony's family, I am still unsure as to why I was chosen but I promise to learn from this. I'm here to share in your grief and here to help in any way that I can. And you need to know that we are not the only ones. Anthony touched the hearts of many and you can see some of the breadth of his influence here, a website where he was a regular poster and visitor.

And, finally, to my dear friend Anthony. When JRR Tolkien wrote "Not all those who wander are lost," he was writing about you.

May you find the perfect single track that ends only where the sun sets. May you find the perfect light for your perfect photos. May you journey to all ends of our planet and this universe. And may you find a pen and a blank sheet of paper to record your travels and share them with us when we join you. Godspeed and Noli Umquam Oblivisci. We all miss you so much.

LD 1020 and 89-57

It's another beautiful day here in Colorado. The sun is out, the grass is green and all is well. But the day is even more incredible back in Maine. The Senate and House have both passed LD 1020 (21 - 14 and 89-57, respectively). This is a step toward legalizing gay marriage in the great state of Maine.

Is the battle over?

No. Unfortunately, there is a group who is trying to organize a people's veto by collecting 55,087 signatures which is not outside the realm of possibility. But the fight exists and while it is not clear where the governor stands on this divisive issue, it is clear that the majority of Maine's government is ready to take a stand on their beliefs.

It's a proud day for us Mainers!

More here....

Colon Cleanse - Day 17

Ahh...the happenings. Today was one of those "Holy Crap" days. I dunno what it was but I sure am relieved that it is no longer inside me. Wow.

It's funny...I haven't really been paying as much attention lately. I just do my business and leave. But this one caught the eye. Wow.

Umm...yeah. Wow.

Reflections on another season of hockey

I was looking back through some of my older blog entries...particularly September of last year. It feels like we have come such a long way in our life. We are now seasoned parents. Our life with Emiko has settled and follows a standard routine. We continue to make plans for the future of this family rather than simply living in the here and now.

But what caught me most was my early realization that it would be difficult to leave home for hockey. This has changed over the past seven months but only for the worse. As Emi becomes more and more involved in the world around her, I find it even harder to be away from her during her waking hours.

Nonetheless, I have continued to work at night (and the day!). I was looking back at the past season. I am no longer the rookie official in the CHL and AHA. I have worked plenty of games but I still felt honored every time I was assigned another game.

I worked 12 pro games over the course of the season and 15 NCAA Div 1 games including 3 playoff games. It truly was a great season as I felt comfortable on the ice and felt like I belonged out there with great hockey players and great officials. The schedulers for both leagues have been phenomenal, allowing me flexibility since I had an infant at home and also had a wife completing her Master's.

And now? Hockey is, for the most part, over. I have a charity tournament to work this weekend and some adult clinics to help instruct and then I am pretty much off the hook for the rest of the summer.

What's ahead. Biking, for one. I got out for my first mountain bike ride of the season today. It was good to be out on the dirt and I had been avoiding those rides for fear of injuring myself during the hockey season. But now it is time to cut loose and have some fun. I also want to take some weekends and get Emi familiar with camping and the back of the Land Rover. We'll see how she does but I am positive she will enjoy it.

Summer is ahead and hockey is over. As much as I love the game, it is a much needed respite for myself and for Hope. I'm looking forward to an endless summer.

Japanese Bar Food

Jeff, Dad and I tried something a little different on Saturday night for dinner. We went to a place called Hagi for a quick meal.

I wish I had bothered to write down all we ate as it was completely different. Fried chicken skins, chicken balls (like meat balls...c'mon), chicken gizzards (surprisingly good though I will guess I wouldn't touch them if I saw them before they were cooked) were among the stranger items we ordered. There was some fish and a noodle dish thrown in to boot. And fried burdock (yummy).

We spent a lot of time just chatting and the meal prompted the Old Man to reminisce about his younger days and some of the food his mother prepared for him. Some stuff he recognized on the menu. It was a good family moment and something I wouldn't want to have missed for the world.

Jeff and I split two bottles of nigori as well...a stretch for me and I'm sure what helped send him on his long spiral toward an eventful train ride the next day.

Ain't no thang

• NYC ain't nothin' without a family wedding.
• NYC ain't nothin' without seeing cousin David take that final step into adulthood by saying "I do."
• NYC ain't nothin' without a trip to City Hall.
• NYC ain't nothin' without a bunch of firsts for Emiko (first sub/train ride, first introductions to extended family, first time in the big city, first shared hotel room, first cab ride).
• NYC ain't nothin' without a bbq lunch on a deck in Brooklyn with incredible friends we don't see often enough.
• NYC ain't nothin' without a run to a department store with my twin brother Jefe.
• NYC ain't nothin' without complete strangers complimenting Emiko's looks and behaviour left and right.
• NYC ain't nothin' without a trip a party in an old speakeasy that still requires a knock on the door and password.
• NYC ain't nothin' without the realization that Emi make's our trips more fun and exciting.
• NYC ain't nothin' without seeing the wife get all dressed up and looking incredible!
• NYC ain't nothin' without seeing the older brother Jefe get sick on the train.
• NYC ain't nothin' when our other brother Nick is missing from the festivities.
• NYC ain't nothin' without seeing Emi make everyone she met smile.
• NYC ain't nothin' without a slice or two of pizza.