Major Faux Pas

Growing up, I was never good with names. When we took the 6 hour drive to New York to visit with my Mom's family, I would spend all 6 hours quizzing my mother on the names of all my relatives.

I have worked diligently over the years to develop ways to remember names of co-workers, distant friends, clients and many others. I rely on repetition, mnemonics and outright cheating (check the cell phone...check FaceBook...check the notes on my hand) in order to make sure I don't get caught without a name.

It all failed on me tonight.

A repeatedly called a friend I work with the wrong name tonight. When she called me on it, I completely blanked and could not conjure up her name. A name I usually was able to find without even thinking about it.

I failed.

All I could do was apologize.

Many times in life, I have felt like a jackass. Tonight, I would have been lying if I said I felt like a jackass.

I was the jackass.

Kelsey, I am so sorry. While this is not who I am, it IS who I am. I work so hard to cover up my difficulty with remembering names and tonight, it all fell apart.

I am so sorry. I can't begin to think of what I can do to make it right and I can't begin to tell you how much shame I feel.

My own little world

I spent part of the morning researching a new (used) car that I can't really afford anyway. Dreaming, really. The car itself is utterly unrealistic. While safe, it is stupid fast, stupid gas, and stupid stupid. Yet dreaming is often what I do.

And then I get an email from a dear friend who is going through so many challenging decisions and life changing incidents that I realize that the time I wasted dreaming could have been far better spent picking up the phone just to check in.

We all get caught up in our lives and the daily choices we have to make and there is nothing wrong with that at all. But there are only a handful among us who go that extra mile to look out at the horizon and see what is beyond the scope of their 3 foot radiused personal area. They pay attention and stay involved.

I am lucky that many of my friends are those people. And I strive (dream, perhaps) to emulate them. Today is a slap in the face and a wake up call that I have a long way to go. I believe I'll get there but I need to keep my eyes open and looking out at that horizon.

B-HaHa, this is my apology to you. You may or may not read it but I want you to know you are in my thoughts and that if there is anything I can do...I'm there.